Communications

My husband, Keith, received an email from a colleague several years ago containing an article.  He immediately sent it to me and suggested I give it a read because it touched his soul.

From the moment I began reading the words of Australian author and songwriter, Bronnie Ware, I knew I wanted to share them with you.

I reached out to Bronnie with hope in my heart and she graciously agreed to allow me to post this article originally written on her site which was the basis for her best-selling book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed.

After Bronnie released her book in Germany, it remained on its best sellers list every single week for well over a year.  I’ve not read the book but based on how touched I have been by the article, I imagine the book would do just as much.

Without further ado, the article that widened the smile on Keith and my face and reminded us that one of the best ways to live without regret is to not allow others to overly influence your family’s hopes, dreams or pursuit of happiness and to follow your own personal destiny.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. Her full-length memoir, titled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing‘, shares even more wisdom from dying people and how Bronnie’s own life was transformed through this learning. It is available worldwide, with translations in 27 languages. www.bronnieware.com

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THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book line none other.  Guaranteed.

The post Top 5 Regrets From the Dying: An Inspirational Article For Us All appeared first on Happy Wives Club.

A male mouse identifies the sex of an unfamiliar mouse because of hard-wired brain physiology, not previous experience, investigators have found.

Ready for the best kind of sex in your relationship? It is essential to know how to make sex last longer to make a couple’s sex life more enjoyable.

If you’re wondering how to make sex last longer, there are a variety of tricks and techniques to achieve longer-lasting sex. It may include things as simple as using the appropriate supplements or something more challenging like introducing a change in lifestyle.

How to make sex last longer – Tips and Tricks that really work

There is no strict definition on how long good sex should last. We only know that super short sex is frustrating while a prolonged sex session can be painful. It stands to reason that sex should last long enough for both partners to have enjoyed the experience.

#1 Get plenty of rest the night before. Sex is a strenuous physical activity. And like all sorts of physical activities, it takes a good night’s rest to function and perform to your full potential. Being well-rested gives you all the energy and stamina to keep the clock ticking longer during lovemaking. [Read: How to take care of yourself and not fall apart]

#2 Make sure you are relaxed and in a good mood before sex. People get less enthusiastic for sexual action if they’re worrying or feeling bothered by something. Negative emotions and stress can decrease libido and performance anxiety during sex.

Meditation, listening to relaxing music, or even just doing an activity that’s personally enjoyable helps put your mental state in equilibrium which contributes to longer lasting sex. [Read: A man’s guide to go from zero to hero and last way longer in bed]

#3 Think of something unsexy during penetration. This is an old and simple trick that allows you to buy some precious minutes during sex. Thinking of anything unsexy during the act lessens your level of arousal delaying you from reaching the point of orgasm quickly. Just don’t overdo it! You might lose your erection if you go too far.

#4 Masturbate prior to sex. Masturbating before sex makes a man last longer in bed. Blowing off a load prior to the act makes a man’s penis less sensitive during the erection following ejaculation. Both partners then build up arousal again with foreplay. You’ll notice a great improvement on penetration time.

#5 Use a thick condom. Some people hate thick condoms due to reduced sensation. But if you’re a guy having trouble with an oversensitive penis during penetration, a thick condom will be your best friend. Thick condoms not only give you more protection, they also allow you to last longer during sex. [Read: The types of condoms and how each of them can improve your sex life]

#6 Use desensitizing cream. Desensitizing cream helps you last longer by numbing the sensitive parts of the penis. This cream contains either novocaine or benzocaine which is a mild topical anasthetic. Desensitizing cream can be purchased as pure cream or infused in other products such as lubricants and condoms.

#7 Try performance-enhancing supplements. There’s a wide variety of performance-enhancing supplements out there with wild claims to their effectiveness. But even if the supposed effects are true or your body is just being tricked by the placebo effect, there is no harm in soliciting the help of performance enhancing supplements to make sex last longer.

Most of these sexual-enhancing products are mostly made up of stimulants that prolong stamina or chemical derivatives that mimic the effects Viagra. [Read: How long should sex really last? The real score]

#8 Avoid drinking alcohol or taking drugs. Alcohol and various drugs have negative effects on a man’s sexual performance. When taken before sex, it can cause erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and decreased libido. Long-term use even have worse effects to a man’s overall performance. You may want to cut down or completely quit from drugs and alcohol in order to last longer in bed. [Read: Alcohol’s effect on sex and your libido]

#9 Quit smoking. Just like drugs and alcohol, smoking decreases the quality of sexual performance of males and females alike. Smoking harms the blood vessels in the penis decreasing the blood flow during erection eventually causing decreased sex time. The longer the time you have spent smoking, the more noticeable the effects on your sexual prowess. Quitting smoking will not only improve your overall health but will also make sex last longer.

#10 Focus on longer foreplay. If you’re wondering how to make sex last longer, just start by focusing on foreplay. Longer foreplay prevents overstimulation of your most sensitive parts. It gets you more focused on your partner instead of reaching orgasm.

It is also undeniable that women prefer longer foreplay than penetration. Even if you don’t make it past the two-minute mark after parking your submarine in the pen, the night will still be satisfying for both. [Read: 20 easy moves to last way longer in bed effortlessly]

#11 Take breaks in between during penetration. Taking breaks especially if you’re nearing climax will help stifle the arousal for more action later on. Use your break to do more foreplay, catch a breather, or to tease your partner so that they’ll be more excited for the big finale moments later.

#12 Edging. Edging is a technique where a man ceases penetrative action moments before orgasm. His arousal reverts back to its pre-climax stage, giving him more time for penetration. If you are capable of doing this multiple times during sex, you’ll extend the action for a longer period of time. Additionally, edging makes the final release more pleasurable and explosive than usual. [Read: How to use edging to make orgasming even better]

#13 Use the “squeeze” technique. The squeeze technique calls for the man or his partner to grip and gently squeeze the base of the penis when a man feels that he’s nearing the point of orgasm. This dampens the sensation in the penis, delaying orgasm, and reverts the man back to sexual plateau giving way for more penetrative action.

#14 Adopt a comfortable sex position. Sometimes both partners tire easily because of a difficult sex position. To reduce this fatigue, switch to a more relaxed sex position that won’t make sex feel like a workout.

Positions such as the spoon, the cross, and the sitting positions are known for being comfortable and lessening the physical strain when using other difficult sex positions. [Read: How to make spoon sex hotter than any other position]

#15 The blue pill. When all else fails, your local pharmacy provides the wonder drug to make you last longer in bed. Though it comes with a price and requires a physician’s prescription before use, Viagra is tested and proven to keep men going up to porn star levels.

[Read: The natural aphrodisiacs sitting in your kitchen you need to try]

Sex that lasts long enough for both partners to enjoy the pleasure is the best sex. Learn how to make sex last longer with these easy steps, and satisfy each other effortlessly.

The post How to Make Sex Last Longer: 15 Technical Hacks to Push Your Limits is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

People are more prejudiced against women leaders than the statistics might indicate. This could be because participants in surveys investigating attitudes towards men and women in leadership positions may not answer honestly unless they are guaranteed confidentiality of their answers.

New research shows zebra finches engage in socially guided vocal learning, where they learn their songs by watching their mothers’ reactions to their immature songs.

Young women who actively engage with social media images of friends who they think are more attractive than themselves report feeling worse about their own appearance afterward, a new study shows. It’s no secret that social media can blur the lines on what’s real and what’s fantasy, but new research now shows how young women interact with images online can affect how they feel about their own bodies.

Women whose spouses are away on military setup are at greater risk of developing psychological illness throughout the perinatal period, as shown by a summary article.

It’s normal to be insecure occasionally. But you notice your partner is insecure about everything. If so, learn the signs of low self-esteem in a girl.

When a girl has low self-esteem, it prevents her from enjoying life. Low self-esteem can play a huge role in one’s mental and physical health and can come to the point where she may try to hurt herself. Now, this doesn’t mean it’s always going to head for the worst. But it’s important that you know what the signs of low self-esteem in a girl are and prepare yourself to be a great partner in your relationship. [Read: The 10 important traits that make you a good, supportive boyfriend]

The most obvious signs of low self-esteem in a girl

Whether male or female, the world isn’t easy for anyone. There’s a lot of judgment on what’s right and what’s wrong, and it certainly doesn’t work in our favor. To some degree, everyone has low self-esteem.

Some people have low self-esteem on specific things. Whereas others struggle with almost everything that comes along their path. When we’re single, we sometimes ignore our low self-esteem issues or simply don’t see them because we’re in our comfort zone. But when we’re in a relationship, our insecurities are magnified.

When you’re insecure, your partner can help you greatly to work through those self-esteem issues. But at the same time, low self-esteem can sabotage your relationship. Change the tide and help her see her worth.

#1 She’s guarded. Even if you’ve dated her for some time, she’s still not fully opening up to you. She may have witnessed a nasty divorce between her parents and she’s not able to fully trust her partner, regardless of what you do. If you feel that she’s constantly on guard, that’s because she has low self-esteem and is afraid to be abandoned. [Read: What insecure people can’t hide when they feel insecure] 

#2 She’s always testing you. In the beginning, when you’re dating, it’s normal for people to test each other in specific situations. But when you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t have to test your partner.

In her mind, she’s thinking does he really love me? How could he be with someone like me? These thoughts push her in a specific direction where she’s testing you in order for you to show your value. [Read: 11 biggest tests girls put you through in a relationship]

#3 She’s always apologizing. Apologizing isn’t really one of the big signs of low self-esteem in a girl. But it depends on the reasons why. Even if it’s not her fault, do you hear her apologize for someone else’s behavior? Why? Well, if she’s constantly apologizing for things that don’t even need an apology, this is because she has low self-esteem. She’s feeling guilty for things that are out of her control. If she had it her way, she would make a business out of apologizing.

#4 She does things she doesn’t like. Naturally, when we’re in a relationship, there are things that we do because our partner would like to do it. Do we like it? No, but we do it because of them and that’s okay. But she will do things that she really doesn’t want to do because she’s too scared to say no. For her, it’s easier to do something she despises than to reject the offer. That’s because she doesn’t want to hurt that person’s feelings. [Read: 20 signs she’s a people pleaser even if she doesn’t realize it]

#5 She doesn’t take compliments well. You can give her the best compliments that are out there but she just blushes and rejects them. Someone who loves themselves will take the compliment and thank you for it. But she doesn’t believe what you’re saying. For her, she can’t see the compliment as a truth. This is solely because she doesn’t believe in herself.

#6 She hides herself during sex. She refuses to have the lights on or to be on top during sex. These may not seem like a big deal but this underlines a major self-esteem issue. She’s not comfortable or confident enough during sex. In fact, she’s concerned about her appearance rather than enjoying the moment.

#7 She’s indecisive. Whether it’s picking a restaurant or a beach to go to, she can never make a decision. In the end, you end up choosing because she can’t. This is because people with low self-esteem are unable to make decisions and they constantly change their minds. They’re concerned about you not liking their choice rather than making a choice. [Read: The best ways to deal with an indecisive partner]

#8 She talks about luck. Whether luck exists or not, she would never assume that something happened to her because she worked hard or deserved it. Instead, she’ll tell you that she’s lucky. But in reality, she really worked hard and used her intelligence and talent to get to where she is. This is one of the biggest signs of low self-esteem in a girl because it shows she doesn’t believe in herself.

#9 She’s happy when buying new things. Surprisingly, many studies have shown that there is a correlation between materialism and low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem turn to short-term pleasure, thinking that it’ll make them feel better, however, that’s not the case. Though they think that buying new things will give them worth, they’re wrong. [Read: 13 happy things everyone needs for a really happy life]

#10 She avoids conflict. When someone doesn’t like something, they voice their opinion. But if your partner has low self-esteem, she’ll stay far away from conflict. In fact, she’ll probably just agree with you just to keep the peace. Now, does she actually agree with you? No. But she’s scared of telling you how she really feels because she doesn’t want to handle the consequences.

#11 They stay in their comfort zone. They may be overqualified for their promotion at work but instead, they decide not to take it. Why wouldn’t she take a promotion at work? That’s because she has low self-esteem, and she’s scared of failing. Women that don’t believe in themselves don’t push themselves forward.

#12 She’s critical of others. When it comes to other people, she’s highly critical of others. This is where men and women differ. Men who have low self-esteem will try to control the people around them. But women who have low self-esteem will be overly critical and put other people down in order to make themselves feel better. [Read: How to help your girlfriend feel secure again]

#13 They’re obsessed with your success. Because they’re insecure, they’re not going to push themselves forward. But they will focus on making sure you push yourself forward. Now, this support isn’t bad, but they do this because they’re scared of their own success. They would go one million miles for you, but they never do anything for themselves.

[Read: 10 steps to helping your partner drop their unhealthy habits]

Do you see these signs of low self-esteem in a girl manifest in your partner? If so, it’s not the end of the world but you both need to work on building her self-esteem up. 

The post How to Spot the Signs of Low Self-Esteem in a Girl & Support Her is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Infants as young as five months can differentiate laughter between friends and that between strangers, finds a new study. The results suggest that the ability to detect the nature of social relationships is instilled early in human infancy, possibly the result of a detection system that uses vocal cues.

In models that explore how humans act when their reputation is at stake, usually assumptions were made that are at odds with reality. In a new, more realistic model, scientists explore what happens when information is incomplete and people make mistakes. In their model, previously successful strategies do not lead to sustained cooperation, and in most cases do not evolve at all.