Are You A People-Pleaser?

Risking Conflict By Speaking Your Truth

As a therapist and transformational life coach specializing in relationships and communication, and as a recovering people-pleaser and codependent myself, I know first-hand how difficult it can be to risk conflict in order to have your true thoughts, feelings, preferences, and needs heard and seen by others.

However, it ultimately serves no-one when a relationship is dependent on one person hiding their true self in order to please another.

Learn how people-pleasing may actually be harming you and your relationships and read my ten tips on how to start caring for yourself by being honest and assertive, beginning today.

What’s A People-Pleaser?

People-pleasers (also referred to at times as ‘codependents’) seek validation from others that they are acceptable and worthy of being liked or loved, and can be so ‘other’ focused that they often have no idea what they really feel, think, want, or need.

People-pleasers are typically individuals who learned early on in life that their true self expressions were not acceptable, and that their self-worth must be extracted from those around them in a never-ending quest to feel okay, accepted, liked, and loved.

Are You A People-Pleaser?

If you’re a people-pleaser, you likely avoid conflict as much as possible, and will deny your own truth in an attempt to make those you are dependent on and/or care about comfortable.

You’ll do anything you can to ‘keep the peace’, even if that means betraying and abandoning yourself by repressing your own preferences and needs.

In fact, you may be so focused on tending to the wants and needs of those around you that you have lost touch with who you really are at the most basic, fundamental level, to the point where you might be feeling depleted, angry, and exhausted much of the time without ever realizing it is because of your chronic people-pleasing ways.

Why People-Pleasing Serves No One In The End

  • Get ready for a good hard dose of reality: Subservient, ingratiating behavior serves no one, ever, no matter how much you’d like to believe it does.
  • By surrendering control to others and abandoning yourself, you are allowing yourself to live a lie – And lies serve no one in the end.
  • And remember, you also may be attempting to control others via your people-pleasing ways by making them dependent on you.
  • A healthy adult relationship requires that the two people involved create a relational environment that is reciprocal, truthful, respectful, and interdependent.
  • Hiding our true selves and pretending we are something other than what and who we actually are is ultimately dishonest and far more damaging to a relationship than voicing a truth that might result in heated discussion or out-and-out conflict.

 Tips To Help You Start Taking Care Of Yourself And Stop People-Pleasing Others:

  • Although it takes courage to practice new behaviors, people-pleasers who learn to live authentically find that the freedom they experience in being themselves makes risking conflict worth it.


  • That you may have learned early in life that your self-worth depends on what others think of you (children who grew up in abusive environments are especially likely to believe this).


  • That your self-worth does not belong in the hands of others – Nobody should have that much power over what you think and how you feel about yourself.


  • That you will no longer play the People-Pleasing Game; it will take time, dedication, and commitment, but it is possible to change.

Check in:

  • With yourself during interactions with others, especially when communicating with those that you tend to people-please the most.
  • Focus on what feels true and right for you during these conversations, even if you are not yet ready to risk conflict by expressing a differing view, feeling, or need.
  • Write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal after such difficult or uncomfortable interactions.
  • Get to know yourself and become curious about what you really feel and think.

Determining your values, identifying your priorities, and defining your beliefs:

  • Are three of the most effective ways to build a strong foundation from which to speak your truth when communicating with others.
  • Take time to be with yourself and even write down your priorities in life and what is most important to you.
  • This will help you to develop your ability to agree or disagree and say “no” or “yes” (and mean it), no matter what the situation is.

“My decision is final”.

  • Once you determine your values and better understand what is best and most right for you, plan on saying “My decision is final” if you anticipate that rejecting or denying a request will not be well received.
  • Role-play with your significant other or a trusted friend, if needed, so you can get used to saying this one simple phrase.
  • These four words will go a long way to ensure that any doors that might allow you to be manipulated by others, especially people who were able to take advantage of you in the past, are firmly closed and will save you much grief down the road.

Use empathic reflection when asserting yourself with others, including recognized ‘authority figures’.

  • Here’s an example from my own life: I recently saw a doctor for a minor physical complaint. His recommended intervention was unacceptable to me for various reasons. My response was to say, “I understand why you might be recommending that, and if I were in your shoes I imagine I would too.
  • But that route is not one I wish to go down. My decision is final.” After saying this and dialoguing a bit more, we went on to find a remedy that we both felt comfortable with, and the treatment was ultimately successful.

Choose your battles:

  • If you sense or suspect that your honest expressions are going to result in a conflict that you just don’t feel ready or equipped to deal with, it’s okay to acknowledge the truth to yourself and choose not to express it.
  • Some things matter more than others.
  • Talk to a trusted friend, journal your thoughts and feelings, or consider seeing a licensed Psychotherapist, Counselor, or Transformational Life Coach to help you sort out what really matters most to you and what doesn’t.
  • Remember, some people will not be able to hear or compassionately receive, much less respect, your truth if they find it personally or professionally inconvenient or threatening.
  • Remember, not everyone is looking for honest, reciprocal relationships; such people may even attempt to judge, shame, or blame you for speaking your truth – Or even try to convince you that your truth is a lie.

Don’t explain yourself in an attempt to justify your position:

  • This is a real trap that people-pleasing types fall into repeatedly. You’re entitled to have your own thoughts, feelings, experiences, needs, and preferences, just like everybody else.
  • The fact that some people in your life don’t agree with you or respect your truth doesn’t make them right.
  • Trust yourself and your perceptions.
  • Sometimes our “gut feelings’ can tell us far more about a person or a situation than anything that is being overtly presented to us.

Remember the power of choice:

  • Adults who learned to people-please in childhood are often genuinely unaware that they have the ability to choose how they will conduct themselves in a relationship.

It’s Never Too Late To Cultivate Authentic Relationships And Start Caring For Yourself

  • Living in a truthful, emotionally honest manner requires courage, patience, practice, and commitment.Tired Of Being A Doormat? Use These Ten Tips To Help You Stop Being A People-PleaserThere are many books written on people-pleasing and codependency designed to help break the people-pleasing habit;

Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More: How To Stop Controlling Others And Start Caring For Yourself is the one I most often recommend to clients, along with.

Susan Newman’s The Book of No: 250 Ways To Say It – And Mean It And Stop People-Pleasing Forever.

A free support group that focuses on developing healthy relationships and communication can be very helpful as well.

Once you feel ready, consider choosing one person in your life that you can practice being completely honest with; ideally, someone you trust and feel safe with but are not always completely authentic with.

Then say exactly what’s on your mind and see what happens.

Think of your values, take deep breaths, and stand your ground.

If you’re having trouble identifying your values, a Transformational Life Coach or Psychotherapist can help you determine who and what most matters to you and support you in ending your people-pleasing ways.

A word of caution:

If you believe that you are genuinely not safe in a relationship and that speaking your truth could result in a threat to your personal safety, I urge you to contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline to receive support, information, and guidance.

Learning To Be Comfortable with Conflict?


You are not alone in wanting to avoid conflict. Most of us tend to avoid it. However, the potential for growth and self-discovery lies in conflict. That conflict is a chance to get to know the previously undiscovered sides of yourself. It may help your fear and discomfort about conflict change to excitement about personal growth.

When we work on conflict in groups, a useful attitude is that a group needs conflict in order to understand itself. Conflict may be the field’s way of getting to know and appreciate its parts and of realizing its full self.

–From The Leader as Martial Artist, by Arnold Mindell

As Spotify’s Global VP of Design Rochelle King says in her online talk — “Your Biggest Rival is Your Best Asset” — one of the most effective tools to push forward the creative process is conflict.

Rochelle understood that in order to do her best job as a manager/mover of people and cutting edge technology, she had to learn to be comfortable with conflict.

To appreciate the opportunity to see more than your slice of reality. Your biggest rival has good ideas.

Why not bat things about and see if you can come up with a product or solution that neither of you would have found on your own?

With learning rather than winning as a goal, you will create great products, mend broken relationships, and find solutions more quickly.

Your Rival Is an Asset: Engage Your

You have to catch yourself before you do these things:

  • wanting to advocate
  • convinced you have the best solution
  • talking more than listening
  • persuading, cajoling, manipulating
  • debating only to win
  • demeaning others ideas

If you can catch yourself, you’ll stop for the time it takes to breathe and create a chi moment.

So in that moment you can:

  • listen
  • ask open ended questions
  • learn about what you don’t know
  • ask more questions
  • seek first to understand
  • acknowledge what you hear
  • make their argument for them
  • look for solutions

These are actions that take awareness and practice.

And in time, you will change, you’ll be a different person.

You won’t even notice it happening.

You’ll just begin to have a more calm, centered, creative, and peaceful life.

And things, oddly, will go your way without even trying.

Our greatest learnings often come when we are unaware that we are leaning something. We can study a technique or focus upon a project for days, and the truth or the essence of it just does not seem to click. Then something happens. The fog clears and we notice that we have moved to a new level of truth without ever knowing how we got there. It was not our straining or trying that brought us to this new level. It was our willingness to be aware of what had already taken place that opened new doors.

–From Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much, by Anne Wilson Schaef

Whose Life Are You Living, Anyway?

I know first-hand how challenging it can be to live in an authentic manner.

Not only do I see people struggle with this daily, but I, too, have had to work very hard to live the truth of who I am as a result of growing up in an extremely shaming, controlling, and judgmental environment.

Although living as one’s true self might seem like a natural and easy thing to do, many of us grew up in family environments that did not support our uninhibited and natural expressions.

Gradually we disconnected from the truth of who we were so as to be accepted by those we were dependent on for basic nurturing and care.

But in unconsciously disconnecting from our true self in order to emotionally survive, we may later find ourselves as adults people-pleasing others and hiding behind a facade, with no idea how to express and live our truth.

Learn how hiding your true self may be interfering with your ability to create integrity-based, mutually rewarding relationships, and consider trying out my ten strategies for creating a more joyful and emotionally honest life.

Time To Get Real: My Ten Strategies To Help You Live And Speak Your Truth

Strategies For Living An Emotionally Honest Life

Recognize You Have A True Self Nature:
Each of us enters the world possessing an innate, core, true self.

Each one of us is an ‘original model’, and as such we all have unique gifts to offer to the world.

Remember And Reflect On When You Felt Happiest As A Child:
Think back to when you were young. When did you feel most free, happy, and alive?

Take a few minutes after reflecting on what caused you to feel joyful in your youth, going back to your earliest conscious memory.

Then write about the people, places, things, and activities that brought you the greatest joy while you were growing up.

This simple ‘remembering and reflection’ exercise can put us deeply in touch with the innocent purity of our original true self nature.

Make A Commitment To Recover And Reconnect With The Joyful, Authentic Child In You That Is Your True Self Nature:
In a certain sense, recognizing and consciously reclaiming our own unique, true self nature is a paradoxical process of finding and embracing what we never really lost.

It is an excavation project, of sorts, i.e., it is a process of uncovering, discovering, recovering, and consciously reclaiming who (and what) we in fact have always been, and will always be – That which is most true, honest, expansive, and alive within ourselves, yet constant and unchanging.

Make A Decision To Release All That Feels False And No Longer Serves You:
Becoming authentic and emotionally honest requires that we be willing to release the parts of ourselves that we were conditioned to become by the various social systems we have been immersed in like a fish swimming in the sea, from our family-of-origin to the cultural and social systems we currently identify with, and everything in between.

Ask yourself if you feel ready to begin doing that. If not, I encourage you to explore what might be inhibiting you from living an emotionally honest and authentic life. Change is never easy. It’s never too late to “get real”!

The Process Of Letting Go:
I often ask my clients who are engaged in a process of true self recovery and reclamation, “Is this (person, place, thing, behavior, situation) serving you at the highest level today?”

Whatever is not serving us at the highest level is more than likely not serving others in our life at the highest level either, regardless of how it may seem.

It ultimately serves no one when we allow ourselves to remain small, diminish our internal light, and hide our truth from others (and perhaps even from ourselves.)

The Only Way Out Is Through:
It is often during this process of letting go of all that now feels false that long-buried emotions unconsciously repressed in childhood may surface, resulting in our possibly becoming sad, anxious, angry, and even genuinely depressed.

At times such as this it is imperative that a person feel he or she is not alone in the valiant task of facing any painful feelings and memories that may arise head on, versus avoiding the challenging, difficult work of genuine transformational growth; therefore, this is a time when the help of a trusted therapist, counselor, transformational life coach, and/or a psychoeducational peer-support group can prove to be invaluable to a person engaged in the task of reclaiming and authentically embodying his or her true self.

It’s Okay To Experience And Release Old, Pent-Up Feelings From Childhood:
It is also not uncommon for a person whose true self nature was shamed and dismissed in childhood to find they are experiencing feelings of intense anger, even rage, during this critical transformational time of inner self-exploration and excavation.

This can especially surprise those who strive to be ‘nice’ their entire lives to avoid upsetting others and risking conflict.

I like to remind my people during such times that the word ‘courage’ includes the word ‘rage’, and successful passage through the dark night of the soul is ultimately brought about by processing these more difficult feelings and emotions that society labels as ‘negative’.

Those who were victims of neglect and/or other forms of abuse in childhood are especially prone to finding themselves overwhelmed with these darker, extremely intense feelings; thus, working with a licensed psychotherapeutic professional and/or abuse recovery network such as Adult Survivors of Child Abuse can be especially critical during this phase of recovery, healing, and growth.

Pay Attention To Your Dreams:
I have also learned from both personal and professional experience that this is a time to pay attention to one’s active imagination, dreams, and fantasies, as suggested by the great Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, for these signs and symbols emanating from deep within our unconscious invariably reveal important keys to a given individual’s growth, including acting as an inner wise guide, when one understands how to begin to interpret the personal and universal symbols contained therein.

Release The Limiting Views Of Others:
This is also a time when a person might report to their therapist, transformational life coach, or support network that they are feeling increasingly uncomfortable around family members, colleagues, and friends if those relationships were dependent on their being a certain way -A way that now no longer feels authentic, embodied, or emotionally true.

This is especially the case when one has knowingly or unknowingly been playing out a particular role within a given relationship and/or system (e.g., hero, rescuer, ‘black sheep’, enabler) and/or been an unwitting recipient of another’s psychological projections (a process whereby humans defend themselves against their own unpleasant impulses by denying their existence while attributing them to others).

At some point you may have no choice other than to make it clear that you are no longer willing to distort or hide your true self in order to protect the feelings of others, and that you simply will not accept being manipulated into living out old, familiar role(s) in the dysfunctional system’s ‘script’ (typically one’s family-of-origin) so that the status quo can be maintained.

You’re Not Obligated To Play By Other People’s “Rules”:
If it wasn’t clear before, once you commit to live your life authentically it will quickly become evident that every system has it’s ‘rules’, be it a family system, a work system, a political system, etc.

This is a good time to remember that whatever the system can’t change, control, and/or accept, it will attempt to diminish, label, reject, and even (in extreme cases) ‘eject’.

And this is why I see each and every person who is engaged in a sincere process of true self recovery and reclamation as being heroic, for it is no easy task to realize the truth of who and what one is while attempting to maintain relationships with others who may be demanding we “change back” (whether overtly or covertly) so that they might feel more comfortable, in control, and secure.

Realizing (And Living As) Your True Self
As illustrated in the above ten strategies, remaining committed to an ongoing transformational process designed to further our personal and professional growth, enhance our relationships, and increase our overall sense of confidence and well being is not always a simple or enjoyable task, especially in the beginning.

And yet, those who decide to do what it takes to live from a place of emotional integrity and fearless honesty invariably discover that it is worth the effort required, for it is by courageously committing to recovering the ‘lost child’ within that we are able to become the true self we were always destined to be. And what could be better than that?

Ya Never Know!

How terrible to die in such a Way!

Well wait a minute that’s inevitable!

I mean how horrible to die by being crushed by your own car?

JEEP, what a journey, Jeep to American Motors, to Chrysler to now Fiat.

Is Jeep’s to blame for producing a defective product? Or the poor victim that dies from their defect?

Not sure what part leaving the engine running will ultimately have to play in the whole saga.

Or did the defect rear its ugly head and it appeared to be in park? We may never know.

At least Volkswagen only cheated! Or did they?

How can we calculate the emission related illnesses and deaths related to their DECEIT?

The religion of The almighty DOLLAR,bone,buck,clam,one,smacker,cheddar,Pound sterling,Euro,German mark,Chinese renminbi, or Yen.

Whatever you call it!

We as Americans have no Monopoly on this obsession. Especially considering our childhood conditioning.

Do we blame the media our ourselves for being willing participants?

AH! Then there’s the Generation Y/Millennium’s or what I call the instant gratification generation.

I have personally raised two of them so, I have limited experience.

We are a turning point, a changing of the guard, a CHANGE. What do I base this on?

LOOK at our current Presidential Nightmare! Everybody’s unhappy, because no one better has stepped up? We blame the Politicians, but look at the them. Are any of us ready to stand up?

We’re at the end of a road a changing of the Old Guard!

Unless the Generation Y/Millennium’s and the Generation Z/Boomlets set up and become part of the process what will our next Presidential experience present us? The current MMA champ versus Mrs. USA?

To my generation WE are NOT without Guilt! Why is that you may ask, because we haven’t passed on the HISTORY!

The price paid by previous generations for our Freedoms and RIGHT to vote!

Ya know the ones who came before us and made this possible! The ability to Change our environment for the better! To make a brighter future with less hate.

Only if the Donald loses! If he wins hate, racism and bigotry will rule the day.

True story worked the primary election as a clerk, a Generation Y/Millennium walked in “I’m not sure if I’m registered or not, but if I am I’ll vote.”

He was not. We offered to register him on the spot so he would be good to in November, but he said “don’t worry about it it’s too much work!” And walked out!

Obviously that still bothers me!

A couple of co-workers of mine defended their generation, by saying you can’t lump all of us into one boat.

I said you have heard of Donald Trump! Isn’t that what he’s doing? (Sorry couldn’t resist!)

One of these two defendants not two minutes later she couldn’t walk to the recycle bin down the hall it was too far. Huh!

So, what does all of this have to do with Chekhov’s (Anton Yelchin) death, probably nothing.

He so young, with so much in front of him, as every one of us, just as those in club in Orlando or anyone crossing the street in downtown USA.

What does this really have to do with Chekhov’s death?

Well for me:
Never forget to tell the ones important to you that they are!

It’s OK to say Thank You for your help!

If you LOVE someone TELL them!

Ya Never Know!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you hadn’t figured it out Baby Boomer Here!

We Can Improve Our Personal Lives With Our Dream Job!

For some of us, improving our personal life is finding a new career.

If we are working in what we love to do, that rubs off on the way we view things and gives us a better perspective on life.

You have to consider the many ways of success we can practice to become a well-rounded person finding his or her dream job.

You have to believe in you and what you want.

Make it your reality.

With a solid plan, whether to changing jobs or starting a new business can become a reality.

You should never let the fear of change stop us from achieving something that we really want.

New is overwhelming for most of us, but if you take time out to research, planning and proper networking, we’ll find the transition will be less stressful.

Find a career you love

  • Whether you’re in mid-career, a student, new to the work force, or an entrepreneur it gets difficult to gain satisfaction and accomplishment when you’re stuck doing something you hate.
  • Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, so why not do something that you like doing.
  • Keep in mind that doing what you like is often complicated but if you would like to improve your personal life here are a few steps:

Decide why you want to change careers:

  • It is important to know whether you are moving away from something or moving towards something.
  • It is difficult to identify your ideal job when you are overwhelmed by negative issues from your current situation.
  • If you are making a career change, keep all of your options open to make a fresh start.

What are your goals?

  • Write down a normal aspect of a normal day.
  • Outline what it is exactly that you want to do. What kind of work schedule do you want, what kind of positions and tasks, what is your ideal salary to live comfortably, and are you an entrepreneur at heart.
  • Continuously write and update these goals in a notebook or journal.

Identify your interests

  • Your interests do not mean this should be your new job or business, it is just the beginning of self-exploration.
  • The key is to identify what truly interests you and how you can incorporate those interests into the work field. What are your favorite hobbies?
  • What books do you like to read?
  • What sections of the newspaper to you turn to first?
  • What are your favorite television shows?
  • After keeping track of this for a week, you should discover a trend that should narrow down to two or three topics of interests.

What are your abilities?

  • Write down a list of abilities that come easily to you. By doing something that your good at will not only greater your chance of succeeding, but give a sense of satisfaction to your work.
  • You will find that you have hidden abilities.
  • Once you pull up those hidden abilities use them, see how you like them and put them to good use.
  • Many people walk through life failing to realize who they are and what they are capable of doing to its entirety.
  • Do not be afraid to learn who you are.
  • It will take some time. It took me over thirty years, but it was well worth the trial and errors made along the way to learn who I am.Failing to remember:Failing to remember:
    • Many of us have difficulty remembering.
    • This is a common problem.
    • Don’t let it get you down.
    • Take action to improve your memory.
    • Walk along the jungle lane of memory and explore what is in your mind and what you want to accomplish.


Racism In The Workplace

Racism is discrimination and prejudice towards people predicated on their contest or ethnicity.

Today, the utilization of the word “racism” will not easily are categorized as a single classification.

The ideology root racist routines often includes the theory that humans can be subdivided into distinctive groups that will vary because of their social patterns and their innate capacities as well as the theory they can be rated as poor or superior.

The Holocaust is a vintage exemplary case of institutionalized racism which resulted in the fatality of millions of men and women based on contest.

While the ideas of contest and ethnicity are believed to be distinct in modern communal science, both conditions have an extended background of equivalence in both popular consumption and older interpersonal science books.

“Ethnicity” is often found in a sense near one traditionally related to “competition”: the department of human groupings based on characteristics assumed to be essential or innate to the group (e.g. distributed ancestry or distributed action).

Therefore, racism and racial discrimination can be used to describe discrimination with an ethnic or ethnic basis, self-employed of whether these dissimilarities are referred to as racial.

Matching to a US convention on racial discrimination, there is absolutely no distinction between your conditions “racial” and “ethnic” discrimination.

The UN convention further concludes that superiority predicated on racial differentiation is clinically incorrect, morally condemn able, socially unjust and dangerous, and there is absolutely no justification for racial discrimination, everywhere, theoretically or used.

Racist ideology may become express in many areas of sociable life. Racism can be there in social activities, practices, or politics systems (e.g., apartheid) that support the manifestation of prejudice or aversion in discriminatory procedures.

Associated social activities can include nativism, xenophobia, otherness, segregation, hierarchical rank, supremacism, and related public phenomena.

Racism In Israel

Racism in Israel identifies all varieties and manifestations of racism experienced in Israel, regardless of the color or creed of the perpetrator and sufferer, or their citizenship, residency, or visitor position.

More specifically in the Israeli framework, however, racism in Israel identifies racism aimed against Israeli Arabs by Israeli Jews, intra-Jewish racism between your various Jewish cultural divisions (specifically against Ethiopian Jews, traditional and current racism towards Mizrahi Jews and Jews of color), and racism for Israeli Arabs against Israeli Jews.

Racism for Israeli Jews against Muslim Arabs in Israel can be found in institutional plans, personal behavior, the mass media, education, immigration protection under the law, housing, communal life and legal procedures.

Some elements within the Ashkenazi Israeli Jewish populace are also described as possessing discriminatory behavior towards fellow Jews of other backgrounds, including against Ethiopian Jews, Indian Jews, Mizrahi Jews, Sephardi Jews, etc.

Although intermarriage between Ashkenazim and Sephardim/Mizrahim is progressively more common in Israel, and communal integration is continually improving, disparities continue steadily to persist.

Ethiopian Jews specifically have encountered discrimination from non-Black Jews. It’s been suggested that the problem of the Ethiopian Jews as ‘becoming white’ is comparable to that of some Western
European immigrants like Poles and Italians who found its way to America in the past due nineteenth and early on twentieth centuries.

Israel has extensive anti-discrimination laws and regulations that prohibit discrimination by both authorities and non-government entities based on race, religious beliefs, and political values, and prohibits incitement to racism.

The Israeli authorities and many groupings within Israel have performed efforts to fight racism.

Israel is a state-party to the Convention on the Removal of All Types of Racial Discrimination, and is also a signatory of the Convention against Discrimination in Education.Israel’s Chief executive Reuven Rivlin declared to a gathering of academics in Oct 2014 that it’s finally time for Israel to surpass its assurance as a land of equality, time for you to remedy the epidemic of racism.

“Israeli culture is sick, which is our duty to take care of this disease,” Rivlin explained.

Personal Mastery Why Bother?

Do we fully understand how important it is to develop our skills, know our strengths and weaknesses in able to deal with our own personal growth and development?

When we know and develop personal mastery, we may be able to listen to ourselves and ideally obtain balance in our life. Well, if you’re like me, you don’t know and haven’t developed personal mastery.

So why bother? What’s in it for me?

In theory personal mastery can enable us to manage our energy levels and put more fun back into our lives.

Remember Fun? It can help change our vision of life.

It can even make us a happier person and fun to be around. Wouldn’t that be a pleasant change?

If think you don’t you need to be a happier person and more fun to be around, ask somebody close to you.

For some of us it can be the beginning of a personal vision. But, that’s a topic for another post.

In able to obtain personal mastery, there are principles that can be a guide for us on our quest for growth and maturity.

Principles behind personal mastery are actually fundamental concepts that are essential when building professional, social and spiritual relationships.

A principle behind personal mastery is understanding that what happens in our lives is based on our own choices and not from anybody else.

We should take responsibility for what has happened in our life. Therefore, decisions about our lives should be made by our own will. We have to know our strength and weaknesses.

In personal mastery, the internal change we make now is actually more important than what has happened to us in the past.

For the record we CAN’T change the past!

The only rule: YOU HAVE TO GET PAST THE PAST! Otherwise you energies are spent on things you CAN NOT CHANGE. Their done. LET THEM GO! Oh! If it were only so easy.

Personal mastery is also based on reality. It is important for searchers to spend time and energy in things that can be controlled, like the present and the future.

It is important to let go of reactive attitudes like resentment, complaint, blame and just wishful thinking.

Avoiding the trap of someday I’ll be great, successful, and happy ya know. When I bet if we took the time to reflect, we have it now.

Hopefully, this will enable us to change how we think, feel and behave.

Having a clear vision of what we want and what we have to do to achieve it. Having a clear definition of success are also principles behind personal mastery.

With a vision we can identify our goals and the steps necessary to attain our goals. Then it is time to translate them into action.

If we can attain personal mastery we should be able to raise our self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-responsibility.

What it great about personal mastery is that we can recognize that we are part of a system. We know that we are able to contribute and influence through our creative ideas.

While realizing that controlling the situation or the system is impossible, we’re less likely to stress over it.

Personal mastery is something that does not happen as an accident or overnight. It requires hard work, courage, perseverance, discipline and reinforcements. It also takes faith in ourselves.

Those of us who are on the path to personal mastery should often times attend training’s, seminars, coaching and counseling sessions to make sure that what we have learned in personal mastery is not lost again in the midst of selfishness and materialism.

Or as some would say Pay It Forward!

These principles may help searchers on their path:
• Learning how to deal with difficult and challenging situations.
• Isolating positive behaviors and feelings and working on them.
• Accepting the difficult and harsh realities of life.
• Let go of negativities like resentment and blame. (Easier said than done!)
• Understand the importance and freedom that comes with responsibility.
• Setting goals for yourself. (No easy task. See future post.)
• Identify your principles in life.
• Prioritize what is more important to you.
• Make a commitment.
• Develop self-confidence and self-esteem
• Accept imperfection and build on one’s strength.
• Feel the connection between oneself to others.
• Develop an inquisitive mind.
• Adapt and work with change.
• Visit regularly

This should be the application of the vision, values and principles that we choose to follow.

Personal mastery can help us all understand that life is full of opportunities for expanding our vision, skills, and prosperity.

Personal Magnetism

We can’t reasonably hope to succeed by merely dreaming about success.

We surely can’t achieve success if you plunge blindly through your career.

We can’t really succeed without possessing some degree of personal magnetism.

When you began reading this article, you certainly possessed a measure of magnetic capacity, either physical or psychic. I

f you have energetically observed its directions, you have developed both varieties; but, above that, you have also combined them into one living whole, the magnetic personality.

This result has required at least a year of persistent effort. If you have arrived at this point in less time, you should go back and begin where haste first retarded your progress.

Magnetism is a natural growth.
No matter how great may be our ability to read and understand books, growth require time as well as intelligent effort.

No matter how poor may be our ability in such respect, that growth is absolutely certain if we put reasonable time and genuine effort into its acquisition.

The giant trees of California were once puny saplings. The slow lapse of time has drew nature into their mighty hearts.

Magnetism can no more be acquired by the mere reading of an article, or by hurried practice of its directions, than can these giants of the West be produced in the hot-house culture of a northern summer.

Magnetic growth is naturally slow. Its principles, its methods, and the results of its study, have to be deeply sunk into and absorbed and assimilated by the subjective self before the reaction of magnetism in the objective life can obtain.

Magnetism and practical life.
The faithful observance of these suggestions may develop many surprises.

The growth of magnetism involves intense and continuous concentration of thought upon the psychic field.

The sole value of magnetism consists in its practical application to everyday affairs.

Success-Magnetism is not an accomplishment it is a practical power. When rightly developed and used, it controls the subjective self in the concrete work of the objective.

The definition of the goal you have been seeking now appears:

Success-magnetism is personal magnetism intelligently multiplied into actual life.

Make Your First Impression Remarkable!

As an international violist, conductor, and talker I have had the privilege of playing concerts of all the countries and playing for creators, Frank Sinatra, Lou Rawls, Natalie Cole, Paul Anka, Eartha Kitt and others. Watching these prodigious creators, I learned the best interests of first impressions.

On my recent concert tour to China, after traveling a grueling 48 hours on numerous flights from Virginia to Xiamen, China, I arrived at their International Airport. The Manager of the Xiamen Symphony Orchestra was viewing my photo up at international airports.

He was garmented in a tailored dress, standing straight and towering, with his dark whisker neatly chipped and combed. He was about 35 years of age. I was garmented in some tailored dark blue madams suit that did not show puckers. My whisker was neatly combed. My viola instance was over my left shoulder and my raincoat and concert dress was in a garment bag in my right hand. “I smiled back at Mr. M and he smiled back at me.”

I knew by the look in his eyes that we were going to get along with well! His first impression of me was a positive one. First thoughts do matter and name the stage for the future.

As we drove to the inn, I would be staying in, Mr. M spoke, “The hotel was just being re-named in your status the “Music Island Hotel”.

I asked him, “What did they used to call the “Music Island Hotel”?

He spoke, “The Prisoner Hotel”. I thought he was kidding! “Why, I queried? ”

Mr. M spoke, “When government officials did mistake they were placed in this hotel for safe keeping.”

When we arrived at the inn I discovered the brand-new sign over the building. Remember first impressions can never be repeated. So, make a good one the first time.

Recently I attended the cinema “The Intern” at the local movie theater. Robert De Nero dallied Ben Whittaker, the 70 -year-old withdrew phone directory corporation ministerial, who devotes as a senior intern for the style corporation, About the Fit. T

he CEO and founder of the corporation is Jules Ostin played by Anne Hathaway. Ben Whittaker comes to the interview and latter to task, with his whisker pruned neatly and combed, garmented in a tailored dress with a smile on his aspect and a positive stance.

He wanted to make a good first impression! The other apprentices coming for the interview was like they are only flattened out of couch. It’s all about garmenting for success inside and outside.

What are the 3 lessons Paul Anka, Eartha Kitt, Frank Sinatra, Lou Rawls, and Natalie Cole learnt me about first impressions?

1) Be conscious of your portrait. Give on the very best stance. Stand or sit with your shoulders back and your principal maintained high. Wear a smile, have your whisker neatly chipped and combed. Dress for success in tailored robes that fit you well and attain you feel successful. All these performers, even at rehearsals, wore robes “that’s been” tailored to fit them. Before departing from your job take a look at yourself in the reflect and make sure your inspection is the very best within and outside. This includes having a good positive attitude.

2) These creators ever gazed towering, fit, and trim. Fit people allure everyone. Cultivating for these creators inspired me to affiliate a gym and work up 3 times a week, to munch more fruits and vegetables, and cut down on gobbling junk food. First thoughts are important. They do matter!

While touring in Europe, I found that some inns did not have a gym. So, I ever wander with my therabands, exercise stripes, to do practices in my inn area to keep fit. By taking the time to procreate exercise a part of your personal proliferation program, you will stay physically fit.

3) These creators acquired their audience members seem as if they were singing to each of them, by making heart contact with them. They sang a psalm with clear phrasing, so each name they spoke would be clearly understood. They coated word pictures when they sang, telling the story of each psalm with beautiful phrasing. They communicated clearly, at a moderate hurrying use a please voice.

By recollecting these 3 lessons, your first impressions will be miraculous. First thoughts can never be repeated. So, make a good “First Impression” the “first time”.