Wondering whether or not you should try to get back together with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend? Before doing anything else, it’s good to know which signs and signals indicate interest after the breakup… and which do not.
After a break up, many people fight for a second chance in their relationship.
It’s common to want to hold onto someone when you still love them, especially if you think the romance can work.
But does your ex still love you?
Knowing the answer can make a big difference in whether or not you get them back.
For every break up there’s a potential reconciliation.
For anyone trying to win back an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, you should understand and believe that fixing your breakup is not only possible, but actually pretty likely.
A startling number of couples give love a second chance after being apart for a while, and your own relationship should be no different.
But if your ex was the one who broke things off, it’s your responsibility to get him or her to the point where they miss, need, and want you back again.
Existing Feelings – Why They Linger After a Breakup
An important thing to realize is that a partner’s feelings for you will always run strong.
In order to break up with you they can’t just turn their feelings off like a faucet… it doesn’t work that way.
So what your ex does is take whatever left over emotions he or she might have toward you after the break up and buries them deep inside.
Sometimes they bury them deep, but other times they put them just beneath the surface.
You always can tell when your ex still loves you because they’ll turn away quickly and be reluctant to talk to you immediately after the break up, often breaking into tears as a defense mechanism to get away from you.
This is because he or she knows you’re trying to pull those feelings back out and show them to them.
If getting your ex back were simple, you could just dig up those feelings and use them to win his or her heart again. However, it’s a little more complicated than that.
The ideal way of getting back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is to allow that person to rediscover those emotions herself.
This isn’t to say you can’t help out by showing your ex where those feelings are buried.
There are very specific methods for uncovering the love that your ex still has for you, but you need to do it in a manner that’s slow and subtle.
If you come off as too fast, desperate, or overbearing, your ex is going to take three steps back for each one you take forward.
Causing your ex to face those emotions will make them miss you, and from there, think about you.
Dating you again is the next logical step, as he or she begins to realize what life will be like without you in it.
Many people are afraid to make a move before asking themselves “Does my ex still love me?” They want definite signs that their ex-girlfriend or ex boyfriend still has feelings for them before they proceed.
Interpreting How Your Ex Treats You After Breaking Things Off
To know how good your chances are, you need to examine the way you’ve been treated by your boyfriend or girlfriend after the break up.
Have you been in contact with your ex? Post-break up communication is usually an indication that one or both of you aren’t over the relationship.
If your ex hasn’t called or written you after they ended things, it’s possible they’re trying to move on. The further along he or she gets, the harder it will be to win them back.
Although giving your ex some space after the break up – and a period of non-communication – can be instrumental in making them miss you again, there’s also a time when you need to initiate contact yourself.
Knowing when and how to do that is crucial, before your ex takes too many steps away from your relationship, making it unrecoverable.
Don’t be upset if your ex hasn’t called you yet. If their feelings are strong, breaking ties might require them to steer clear of you for a while.
Some people do this for fear of relapsing back into the relationship. The know their own feelings… and those feelings are so strong, they’re afraid that seeing or hearing from you will destroy their will to continue the break up. But other people?
They’re intentionally trying to put you out of their minds for a reason. Getting back into your ex’s head is a necessary part of winning your boyfriend or girlfriend back.
The good news is that if you’re still in touch with your ex, things are looking up.
If he or she is still emailing or texting you, or even calling to speak to you after they’ve ended things, chances are they’re missing your company. Any person still talking to an ex has still left the door to the relationship open… if only just a crack.
There are methods you can use to gently tug on past feelings and emotions toward you, causing that door to slowly swing open. By touching on existing memories you shared together and exhibiting behaviors consistent with the very beginning of your relationship, you can put your ex into an entirely different mindset.
When you’ve created the type of environment where they’re receptive to the idea of dating you again, you can set up a casual meeting for lunch or coffee. This is a huge step toward getting back together after a breakup.
An even better sign that your ex still loves you is when they call just to say hello, without any provocation or message on your part.
When that happens, your ex is sitting on the fence, trying to determine whether or not to get back together with you.
Part of them wants to see you again, and the other part wants to continue being single. Which part do you get when he or she calls?
It all depends on the timing. Lots of different factors affect your ex’s mental state at all different times of the day or week.
For example, when they’re lonely and sitting on their bed at night? That’s when your ex is most likely to miss you.
Choosing these moments of opportunity to make your move can greatly boost your chances of success, but timing isn’t everything… you also need to know what to say, and what to do that will make your ex want you back.
In a relationship it’s often too easy to let our everyday lives get the best of us, but there are ways to get the good back into our relationships and to make both feel extra special once again. Here are a few simple ways in how you can bring out the best in your relationship!
1. Keep dating each other!
Often after we’ve gone past the dating time we forget how much going out and having some good alone time together, actually means for the relationship.
Especially if you have kids or a very busy work schedule, the dates can prove to be even more important for you.
There’s no need to make a huge deal or spending a lot of money on a date, the most important thing is your time and attention to each other.
Regardless of what you chose to do, make sure to turn off your mobiles and focus on one another.
These little moments are supposed to help you get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and to remind you of why you picked this person and no other to be your special someone.
2. Bring back the fun into the relationship
Do you remember how she/he used to make you laugh when you first met? Well; you probably made him laugh a lot more back then too.
And, it’s about time you both brought back the fun into your relationship. Is there anything you both used to like doing together? Try to do that.
Did you used to spend hours in bed in the weekend exploring every bit of each other’s bodies, but now you spend that time doing the laundry instead?
Call a babysitter once in a while and explore one another again.
Also try watching great comedies while snuggling up, go to a stand-up show, go stay at a new hotel, excersice together or why not go on a fun activity?
Whatever it is, make sure to have fun with your partner and do so as often as you can.
This will make anything in the relationship – and the rest of your life – feel so much easier.
3. Send something to her/his work place
Okay, there are a few gals and guys out there that would absolutely hate this.
They are probably those who work at a super macho work place where your other half simply wants to leave everything that’s lovely and special, safely away from her/his bullying co-workers.
Then we also have the girl/guy where you kind of do everything for her/him and they does nothing – or little – in return… With those two types of partners: don’t bother sending anything to their work place.
For any other type of significant other: send something to their office! Post her/him a piece of the lyrics to your song, put it in a card and send it to their work place.
Or, send a photo designed mug from for example an online store. There are tonnes of cute little personal things you can buy your other half which will make her/him feel extra special and brighten up their work day.
Just seeing your smiling face on a mug can mean a lot during a hectic day at work.
4. Give them what they have wished for
There is nothing worse than receiving a gift you don’t want but it can be ever so much harder figuring out what that perfect present is.
Most don’t give you a list of suggestions – even though we may wish they did! Instead it’s the subtle hints we need to go by: i.e. he complains of his feet getting cold at his parent’s house so you get him slippers in the shape of his favourite video game character.
That type of person is easy to buy for!
But to find gifts for anyone else can prove more challenging and with these women and men you need a few clever ideas to help you on the way: The best trick is to take note of her/his hobbies and ask questions, “is there anything you wish you had?” or, “is it anything you wish you had to your golf set?” It’s okay to ask a person what they want for a gift – often it’s the only way you’ll be able to know what they truly want.
5. Be supportive
When we really care about someone we want the best for them, but we often forget that being free to make their own mistakes can be just what they need.
To fall, to try again and have someone holding their hands while they do it, is more important than telling your partner why they shouldn’t do something.
Let them discover why starting their own business on the side wasn’t a great idea for themselves, and only give her/him advice when they ask for it.
Instead, always be there for them, capture them when they fall and help them back up again. Remember that she/he is a grownup, so put your faith and patience in them and they won’t let you down.
6. Try something new together
It doesn’t have to be anything more radical than trying out a new restaurant, club or why not that thing you has fantasized about doing in the bedroom.
Yes, I’m looking at you ladies, is it anything you’d love to do?
When you allow yourself to try something new you are forced to go a little bit out of your own comfort zone, but when you do so together: that’s when the magic happens.
This practice can be applied to most things in your life, however there’s no need to do something new together more than a few times a week.
If your other half really doesn’t like changes though, see if there’s anything else which can spice things up; like making existing fun times even more special.
For instance, if you two love watching a comedian on the TV, how about going to see one of their live performances? Bring back the heat into your relationship by being a bit more spontaneous!
7. Touch and be kind to each other
They say that life is made up by all about the little things we do, and in a relationship touching and being kind to each other may be the most important things you can do.
Sadly it’s also the first things we tend to forget in our busy lifestyles. You might only see each other when we’re tired or busy doing something else – it’s really no wonder why you might snap at one another!
Luckily touching and kindness is very easy to get back into your relationship.
When she/he comes home from work, give them a hug, look them in their eyes, smile and say welcome home.
Mean it! Brag about your other half in front of your joint friends, and pat or stroke your partner’s arm when you’ve said it.
Make sure you say something you truly mean. Or, don’t expect her to want to have sex when she is too tired or when you haven’t been very kind and touching during the rest of the day.
Help her out more and build up a better relationship outside the bedroom first, court her, and then you’ll see some more heat!
Ask yourself how you want to be met and treated, and treat your loved one in the same way.
You wouldn’t want to grow up or live in a harsh family or relationship, so don’t enforce an environment you wouldn’t want to be in either.
Often it’s the small things we do that make all the difference. When you touch and are kind to each other throughout the day, you may also notice how everything else in your relationship improves.
8. Communicate wisely
All of us communicate, regardless if it’s through body language, notes, words or texts, and communication says to be the heart of a relationship.
But there are forms that can be treated as bad forms of communication and those that are better. For example: a happy or supportive note or text is a good form of communication, but a stressful or demanding one is not.
Try to make all your complaints and hurt in person, if it’s easier for you to put it in writing than introduce the conversation with writing her/him a letter.
Never expect them to think or get the same reaction that you do: we are all individuals.
Remember that your other half is a grown up and that you are too.
Sit down on the sofa, turn off everything else that may disturb you, face each other and talk.
When your other half talks, stay quiet and truly listen to what she/he has to say.
Sometimes when we hear – or think that we are about to hear – something that will upset us, we show it away by not fully listening.
Fully listen to what your partner has to say and together find a way to sort it.
Don’t forget that men and women often listen differently.
He might remain silent and avoid eye contact while you look straight at him and acknowledge that you’re listening by nodding, or saying “OK” and “yes”.
No fighting will ever help as much as a good talk will.
And when you ask them to do something, don’t treat them like a child. If you get hurt instead say, “When you forgot to do that, it made me very sad”, or “I don’t like it when you drive fast, it makes me frightened that I will lose you”.
Avoid accusing and shouting at your partner, instead tell them sincerely what you feel.
If you delegate something for her or him to do, make sure that they understood what you agreed on by letting it be the last thing you say.
For example, “Okay, so you pick up the kids on Friday and I get the dinner ready”.
There is no need to repeat what you agreed on after that; your partner is either fully capable of remembering things themselves or they need to practice remembering it.
Nagging them actually doesn’t do you or your partner any good.
9. See the good among the bad
Sadly it’s easy to see only the worst in our partner or a situation, but if we instead turned our views around and looked at the positive sides, we’d both be so much better off.
Don’t list all her/his bad sides without listing in triplet the amount of good sides.
He may never help you with the dishes, but he helps you instead by always mending the car, doing work on the house and he’s a great shoulder to cry on.
Or, she might not want sex every night but she shows her love for you by cooking, cleaning and raising your kids.
Try to look at the whole picture and don’t focus on only – or mostly – the negative and you’ll see just how wonderful your other half actually is.
10. Tell them how much they mean to you
Most of us live busy lives and therefore time might be the most valuable thing we can give to the people around us.
Spend time with your other half and tell them how much they mean to you – in person or through other means.
It can be through a note that you put in their lunch bag or in their shoes.
It can be through an e-mail where you say how much it means to you when she/he does something – pick what means the most to you!
Don’t write a long note or letter; often a short sentence that comes straight from the heart means a lot more than any “essay” ever will.
If you prefer saying what your partner means to you in person, then don’t worry about picking a time when to say it: just spit it out!
Look them in the eye and with all your heart tell them how appreciated they truly are.
Your ex has left you and you are now missing him or her. What do you do? If this is what you are going through, you may be complaining to your family, friends, co- workers and anyone that you come in contact with.
If you want to get back with your ex then it is time for you to stop talking and do something about your issue.
If you are secretly hoping that one of your friends will call your ex and tell him or her that you are sad and lonely, that is not going to work. This will only make the situation worse than it was.
If you really want to get back with your ex, you need to focus on taking positive steps and staying away from doing or even saying things that are going to negatively affect your chances of getting back with them.
Is your ex already seeing someone? If this is the case, you should not be overly concerned as you can still get them back.
What you simply need to do is forget about the obstacles that are in front of you and focus on the methods and techniques that other people have used to get their mates back and build stronger and happier relationships than what they had before.
The great thing is that there is information available which is going to help you learn what you need to do and most essentially, what you should not do in order to get back with your ex.
It is not as easy as calling them to say that you are sorry, lonely or even dating other people in the hopes of making your ex jealous.
You need to learn how to strategize and create an environment where the both of you can start building a new and healthy relationship.
Before you begin strategizing on getting your ex back, it is in your best interest to first spend some time working on yourself.
Despite the fact that you are in a hurry to get your ex back, you have to do it the right way.
The right way is by spending time doing two things first. You need to first get yourself in one piece and in a better place mentally and physically.
Breaking up is devastating and it can ruin your confidence and self esteem. This might mean you have to see a counselor, get a new hobby, go to the gym or take a new class.
It might also mean dating other people but not to make your ex jealous. You simply need to work on getting your self esteem back.
The next thing is making sure that you really want to get back with your ex.
When you are sure of this, you can then begin using the methods you have learned on getting an ex back. It is time to get to work now.
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