People fall in love for many reasons — similar interests, physical attraction, and shared values among them. But if they marry and stay together, their long-term happiness may depend on their individual genes or those of their spouse, says a new study.
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We’re told from a very young age that if we can help someone in pain or in need, we should do it. When we see a friend struggling with an emotional problem, we want them to talk to us, we want to listen and help them feel better. This is a natural part of life and something we should be proud of. The problem is, what if you become everyone’s confidant, what if you’re so good at listening and giving advice that everyone comes to you? Well, welcome to the world of empathy fatigue.
Before we go too deep, do you think that’s a good situation or a bad one?
You can look at it from both sides. Firstly, it’s great people trust you and feel you can help. That should make you feel good. Secondly however, there is only so much empathy you can show and give, before you start to feel like your own needs aren’t being met, and that you’re basically an emotional doormat for everyone who has a problem.
It’s such a fine line. [Read: Why being an empath in a relationship is a blessing and a curse]
What exactly is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to listen and understand someone’s emotions and feelings, and in many ways, to be able to give advice to help them. Even if you don’t give advice, you say words which are comforting. A person with a high empathy level is someone who can make others feel better.
There is a slight difference between being an empath, and being a person with empathy however.
An empath is someone who can pick up on the feelings of another person and takes those feelings on as their own. For example, if someone is feeling sad, an empath may spend a short amount of time around that person and then suddenly start to feel sad themselves, when they have no real reason to. [Read: 12 strong signs of an empath – Do you feel deeper than others?]
On the other hand, a person with empathy has the ability to listen and understand emotions, but they don’t actually feel them as their own. They are able to put themselves in the person’s shoes mentally, but not spiritually. They may feel sympathy for the person and really be able to understand the deeper reasons and emotions below the surface, but unlike an empath, there is no transfer of emotions going on.
So, you’re not necessarily an empath if you have empathy?
Not necessarily, no. A good example of someone who has empathy is a professional counselor. That person is able to listen to and understand the feelings of another person, and able to help them via the advice they give. This is more than mere listening, it is really having a greater understanding of how they feel and why.
An empath on the other hand is very likely to feel extremely overwhelmed being around people for a long period of time. The constant back and forth of different emotions whilst simply waiting for the bus can cause that person to need to lay down in a darkened room and center themselves.
What is empathy fatigue?
Those explanations bring us onto the main point of this feature – empathy fatigue.
An empath feels empathy fatigue practically on a constant basis, but it is a slightly different type of deal. For a person with empathy, they can easily suffer from empathy fatigue if they try to take on too much. It is possible to shield yourself from the fatigue, but it can be difficult to say ‘no’ to someone when they ask to sit and talk to you.
This is why people who have actually developed empathy fatigue never really find they feel better – they fail to put themselves first. [Read: Do you feel emotionally drained? 15 reasons and cures that work]
Empathy fatigue and how all of us experience it
Let’s give an example to make this clearer.
A close friend has just split up with their partner. They’re devastated because they were cheated on, they’d been together for years, and they shared a home. Now your friend is left single and alone, they’re trying to process everything and really struggling with it. They turn to you for help and advice and you gladly listen to them for the first few times. After a while, you start to feel a little down yourself, you’re constantly going over and over the same thing all the time and your friend is calling you on a regular basis to talk things over.
At first, you feel bad for the way you feel. You want to be there for your friend, but you have little time to relax and spend time with your own partner, and you know if you try and explain that to your friend, they may become upset or misunderstand.
In addition, the things your friend is telling you is starting to make you relive some upsetting events in your past, things which you thought you had dealt with and put to bed. All in all, you feel exhausted, but you’re not sure how to handle the situation.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is classic empathy fatigue.
When a person is going through a hard time and they find someone they can talk to, they tend to stick to that person like glue. They’ve finally found someone who understands them and they see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. For the person doing the listening, they feel good that they’re helping someone, but then it suddenly starts to become so regular that they begin feeling guilty about the growing resentment that is bubbling below the surface. [Read: 12 quick ways to stop negative people from sapping your energy]
What you first need to realize is that what you’re feeling is 100% normal. How can you not become tired and exhausted of hearing the same thing all the time? How can you not become a little fed up of saying the same thing over and over again? Yes, you feel guilty for thinking it, but you feel guilty because you’re a good person. Do not beat yourself up.
What should you do?
This is going to sound brutal, but if you want to successfully get over your empathy fatigue and feel better in yourself, you need to take time for number one, i.e. you.
Turn off your phone, just for a day. The world is not going to stop turning and nothing is going to blow up. In those 24 hours, do things that you enjoy, and do them alone or with people who bring you joy and lift you up. Do not spend that day with the person who you have been helping. You need to recharge your own batteries and rest your soul for a short while. [Read: Too empathetic? How to detach yourself and find a better life]
Practice a little self-love. Have a hot bath, read a book, go for a walk, go to the gym if you like it, eat your favorite foods, call a friend you always have a laugh with, basically do the things which your soul is crying out for and see how good it makes you feel.
Of course, when you turn your phone back on, you’re probably going to have missed calls. That’s fine. You deserve a life too. You were not put on this planet to be at someone’s beck and call for advice. You are not an agony aunt!
Sounds harsh? Possibly so, but fair. [Read: How to help someone up when they’re down and depressed]
Help yourself first if you want to help others
In order to help other people, you need to also help yourself. Of course, your friend is not in the wrong for leaning on you in times of need, and having 24 hours to yourself doesn’t mean you’re not going to listen to her again; you probably will the very next day.
What those 24 hours do however is give you a break, and allow you to get back to you. That is something we all need from time to time, and when you’re suffering from empathy fatigue, it is a vital part of the recharging process.
Empathy fatigue can be explained in a very easy way – when you’re tired from a long day at work, you lay down on the sofa and relax. Do you feel guilty about that? No. So why are you feeling guilt for looking after yourself when you’re suffering from empathy fatigue and your emotions are tired? Don’t feel guilty for occasionally looking after number one.
[Read: The art of not giving a shit – 15 lessons to cure your fatigue]
You may have your best intentions at heart when you help someone emotionally. But when you feel empathy fatigue setting in, disconnect and find your happy place. You can’t help someone who’s in a well when you slip into it yourself.
The post Empathy Fatigue: The Guilt-Free Guide to Recognize & Overcome It is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
We’re told from a very young age that if we can help someone in pain or in need, we should do it. When we see a friend struggling with an emotional problem, we want them to talk to us, we want to listen and help them feel better. This is a natural part of life and something we should be proud of. The problem is, what if you become everyone’s confidant, what if you’re so good at listening and giving advice that everyone comes to you? Well, welcome to the world of empathy fatigue.
Before we go too deep, do you think that’s a good situation or a bad one?
You can look at it from both sides. Firstly, it’s great people trust you and feel you can help. That should make you feel good. Secondly however, there is only so much empathy you can show and give, before you start to feel like your own needs aren’t being met, and that you’re basically an emotional doormat for everyone who has a problem.
It’s such a fine line. [Read: Why being an empath in a relationship is a blessing and a curse]
What exactly is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to listen and understand someone’s emotions and feelings, and in many ways, to be able to give advice to help them. Even if you don’t give advice, you say words which are comforting. A person with a high empathy level is someone who can make others feel better.
There is a slight difference between being an empath, and being a person with empathy however.
An empath is someone who can pick up on the feelings of another person and takes those feelings on as their own. For example, if someone is feeling sad, an empath may spend a short amount of time around that person and then suddenly start to feel sad themselves, when they have no real reason to. [Read: 12 strong signs of an empath – Do you feel deeper than others?]
On the other hand, a person with empathy has the ability to listen and understand emotions, but they don’t actually feel them as their own. They are able to put themselves in the person’s shoes mentally, but not spiritually. They may feel sympathy for the person and really be able to understand the deeper reasons and emotions below the surface, but unlike an empath, there is no transfer of emotions going on.
So, you’re not necessarily an empath if you have empathy?
Not necessarily, no. A good example of someone who has empathy is a professional counselor. That person is able to listen to and understand the feelings of another person, and able to help them via the advice they give. This is more than mere listening, it is really having a greater understanding of how they feel and why.
An empath on the other hand is very likely to feel extremely overwhelmed being around people for a long period of time. The constant back and forth of different emotions whilst simply waiting for the bus can cause that person to need to lay down in a darkened room and center themselves.
What is empathy fatigue?
Those explanations bring us onto the main point of this feature – empathy fatigue.
An empath feels empathy fatigue practically on a constant basis, but it is a slightly different type of deal. For a person with empathy, they can easily suffer from empathy fatigue if they try to take on too much. It is possible to shield yourself from the fatigue, but it can be difficult to say ‘no’ to someone when they ask to sit and talk to you.
This is why people who have actually developed empathy fatigue never really find they feel better – they fail to put themselves first. [Read: Do you feel emotionally drained? 15 reasons and cures that work]
Empathy fatigue and how all of us experience it
Let’s give an example to make this clearer.
A close friend has just split up with their partner. They’re devastated because they were cheated on, they’d been together for years, and they shared a home. Now your friend is left single and alone, they’re trying to process everything and really struggling with it. They turn to you for help and advice and you gladly listen to them for the first few times. After a while, you start to feel a little down yourself, you’re constantly going over and over the same thing all the time and your friend is calling you on a regular basis to talk things over.
At first, you feel bad for the way you feel. You want to be there for your friend, but you have little time to relax and spend time with your own partner, and you know if you try and explain that to your friend, they may become upset or misunderstand.
In addition, the things your friend is telling you is starting to make you relive some upsetting events in your past, things which you thought you had dealt with and put to bed. All in all, you feel exhausted, but you’re not sure how to handle the situation.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is classic empathy fatigue.
When a person is going through a hard time and they find someone they can talk to, they tend to stick to that person like glue. They’ve finally found someone who understands them and they see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. For the person doing the listening, they feel good that they’re helping someone, but then it suddenly starts to become so regular that they begin feeling guilty about the growing resentment that is bubbling below the surface. [Read: 12 quick ways to stop negative people from sapping your energy]
What you first need to realize is that what you’re feeling is 100% normal. How can you not become tired and exhausted of hearing the same thing all the time? How can you not become a little fed up of saying the same thing over and over again? Yes, you feel guilty for thinking it, but you feel guilty because you’re a good person. Do not beat yourself up.
What should you do?
This is going to sound brutal, but if you want to successfully get over your empathy fatigue and feel better in yourself, you need to take time for number one, i.e. you.
Turn off your phone, just for a day. The world is not going to stop turning and nothing is going to blow up. In those 24 hours, do things that you enjoy, and do them alone or with people who bring you joy and lift you up. Do not spend that day with the person who you have been helping. You need to recharge your own batteries and rest your soul for a short while. [Read: Too empathetic? How to detach yourself and find a better life]
Practice a little self-love. Have a hot bath, read a book, go for a walk, go to the gym if you like it, eat your favorite foods, call a friend you always have a laugh with, basically do the things which your soul is crying out for and see how good it makes you feel.
Of course, when you turn your phone back on, you’re probably going to have missed calls. That’s fine. You deserve a life too. You were not put on this planet to be at someone’s beck and call for advice. You are not an agony aunt!
Sounds harsh? Possibly so, but fair. [Read: How to help someone up when they’re down and depressed]
Help yourself first if you want to help others
In order to help other people, you need to also help yourself. Of course, your friend is not in the wrong for leaning on you in times of need, and having 24 hours to yourself doesn’t mean you’re not going to listen to her again; you probably will the very next day.
What those 24 hours do however is give you a break, and allow you to get back to you. That is something we all need from time to time, and when you’re suffering from empathy fatigue, it is a vital part of the recharging process.
Empathy fatigue can be explained in a very easy way – when you’re tired from a long day at work, you lay down on the sofa and relax. Do you feel guilty about that? No. So why are you feeling guilt for looking after yourself when you’re suffering from empathy fatigue and your emotions are tired? Don’t feel guilty for occasionally looking after number one.
[Read: The art of not giving a shit – 15 lessons to cure your fatigue]
You may have your best intentions at heart when you help someone emotionally. But when you feel empathy fatigue setting in, disconnect and find your happy place. You can’t help someone who’s in a well when you slip into it yourself.
The post Empathy Fatigue: The Guilt-Free Guide to Recognize & Overcome It is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Researchers compared four different types of online communication technologies — video chat, email, social networks and instant messaging — used by people 60 and older and then gauged their symptoms of depression based on survey responses two years later. The study found that people who used video chat functions such as Skype and FaceTime had almost half the estimated probability of depressive symptoms compared with older adults who did not use any communication technologies.
You’ve probably wondered if you’re on your crush’s mind as much as they’re on yours. We all want to know how much someone really thinks about us. I mean, we’re only human. It’s a natural thing to ask yourself, which is why these 15 signs he thinks about you a lot is just what you need to know.
How to read the signs he thinks about you a lot
Even when things are going really well with a guy, you want to know he’s enjoying his time with you. For me, this was always a problem. I spent so much time trying to make a guy feel good, I wasn’t looking at the signs that he was thinking about me. Reality? He was having a good time. I was just too busy planning the next step to see it. You don’t want to do that. [Read: 17 signs you’re being benched and strung along by a guy you like]
Now I know you’re thinking, “Why should I waste my time wondering how he feels about me?” By looking for these signs, you already have a clear idea of how he feels. Not every guy will tell you how they feel, but every guy will show you.
So, stop paying attention to what your friends are telling you and pay attention to the signals. He probably won’t even realize he’s giving off them off, but it’ll show he thinks about you a lot. Isn’t it time you knew?
#1 You are always talking via text. The only time you aren’t talking to each other is when you’re sleeping. Other than that, you’re always texting each other. He always has some funny meme to show you or a link to a YouTube clip he wants you to see. If he’s going out of his way to send you these things, it shows you are on his mind. [Read: 30 definite signs a guy is totally into you]
#2 He likes all your social media posts. Whatever you post, whether it’s funny or not, he’s one of the first people to like your posts. He may even comment on your photos as well, making sure everyone knows there’s something going on between you. He thinks it’s subtle, but it’s not and is definitely one of the clearest signs he thinks about you a lot.
#3 He follows you on social media. He not only has you on Facebook, but also Snapchat, Instagram, and Pinterest. He wants to make sure he stays in the loop, seeing what you’re up to and how he can make himself a part of your daily plans. No guy would do this if he wasn’t interested in you. If he’s following you on social media, it’s because he wants to. [Read: 14 signs he’s genuinely interested in being with you]
#4 When he sees you, he always gives you a hug. With some male friends, when they see you, they’ll give you a one-arm hug. That’s lame. When he hugs you, he gives you a real hug. You feel warm, safe, and loved when he wraps his arms around you. If you feel that, he’s probably feeling it too and is happy to see you.
#5 He’s always happy when he’s around you. When you see him, he lights up. He just can’t help smiling when he’s around you. What does this mean? You know exactly what it means. He’s not a robot, he can’t hide his emotions forever. With time, they’ll eventually slip through the cracks.
#6 He asks you a lot of questions. You know why, right? It’s because he wants to actually get to know you. He wants to know what’s going on in your brain, what you think about, and whether you think about him. So, he’s going to poke around and get as much information about you as he can. [Read: 12 science-backed clues to know if a guy likes you for sure]
#7 He’s not checking his phone around you. I’ve met guys where all they do is text when they’re with someone. It’s annoying. It feels like you’re not good enough for them to give you an ounce of their time. However, when your guy is around you, he’s not looking at his phone, he’s busy spending time with you and giving you all his attention.
#8 He remembers the small stuff. You may have told him things months and months ago, yet, he still remembers the small details. This is what truly shows you if he thinks about you a lot. If he remembers these things, he’s paying attention because he cares about you.
#9 He doesn’t make a decision without you. If it’s a big, life-changing decision, he makes sure you get to speak your opinion about it. Your thoughts matter to him, and he doesn’t want to make any big decisions without talking to you. Are you dating or something? It sure sounds like it! [Read: Talking to someone about your relationship: DTR made easy]
#10 He laughs at your jokes. Well, of course, you’re funny. But not all men will relax to the point where they can just laugh next to you. But he’s different. He freely laughs at your jokes and has no problem playing along. If he finds you funny, you’re already special for him.
#11 He tries to squeeze out extra time with you. When you hang out, even though he knows you have to go to work or be home for dinner, he tries to squeeze out an extra five minutes with you. He just loves spending time with you, can you blame him?
#12 You feel like you’re the only one around. When you’re around him, he makes you feel like you’re the only one around. He puts all his time and attention into you. He’s not interested in looking at his phone, he doesn’t want to talk to his friends. The time spent together is solely for you. [Read: Is he attracted to you? 16 giveaways to watch out for]
#13 He keeps the eye contact going. When he looks at you, it’s not like all the other guys. He looks at you. No, he’s not staring at your boobs or eyeing you like a piece of meat. He’s genuinely looking into your eyes. And if you’re on his mind, he’ll be staring at you just a little bit longer than normal.
#14 He’s curious about you. He’s not only asking you questions, but he has this sense of curiosity about you. It’s like you’re this rare creature he’s trying to understand. That’s why he’s constantly watching you, observing you carefully. [Read: 17 signs he likes you more than a friend and wants to ask you out]
#15 He tells you. If he tells you he’s been thinking about you a lot, it’s because he has been thinking about you a lot. It’s not easy for men to express their emotions, and he’s taking a huge step forward by telling you how he feels. Unless he’s into playing games, he’s telling the truth.
[Read: The signs he likes you but is scared of taking action]
So, what do you think? Do you see the signs he thinks about you a lot? If you think so, what are you going to do about it? Don’t let those thoughts go to waste.
The post 15 Signs He Thinks About You a Lot Even if He’s Playing It Cool is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Have You Were situated Prior To This Existence? Have you experienced deja vu?You understand, that experience you obtain as soon as you obtain right into a structure you’ve never ever been in previous to still in some means have the experiencing which you have?Or also the feeling you obtain whenever you fulfill up with an…
High IQs aren’t going to be enough to stop an ecological disaster. It’s going to take social intelligence, too. That’s the conclusion of a new study.
For most children, the sound of their mother’s voice triggers brain activity patterns distinct from those triggered by an unfamiliar voice. But the unique brain response to mom’s voice is greatly diminished in children with autism, according to a new study.
You are separated, but you really don’t want a divorce. You want to follow the Biblical ideal of seeking reconciliation. How do you go about it. First, you must not allow your emotions to control you. I didn’t say that you should not have emotions. Hurt, anger, disappointment, and pain are often the emotions of separation. Or, you may feel relieved, free, happy they are gone. Whatever your emotions, you must not allow them to control your behavior. If you do, you may murder your spouse. The Christian is called upon to seek reconciliation. This means we must take constructive action. Such action may mean that I must go against my feelings. Prayer is the best place to begin. “Lord, you know my feelings, but I want to be controlled by your spirit, not my feelings. Show me what action I should take and give me the power to do it.” Such a prayer is the first step in the right direction.
The post I’m Separated. Now What? appeared first on The 5 Love Languages®.