Kate says . . .
I see it often. I hear comments from wives in their frustration. It is a common theme. Wives expressing that their husband is like having another child. That he adds to their stress in life, sometimes more than actual children.
I have no doubt everyone has encountered this theme in one form or another. While we can often seen themes and patterns in marriage, we need to stop and ask ourselves why those themes happen and what is behind them. Then speak truth and life into the situation.
This theme is most common after a couple has had children. I believe much of it stems from exhaustion, over taxing schedules and perhaps most importantly, lack of connection between husband and wife. The first two contribute to the last and the last breeds frustration. I am sure there are other things that contribute as well, but I believe these are the main contributing factors.
So what can we do, wives? First is recognize it for what it is. A pitfall because of our own “stuff” that we are experiencing. It is human nature, when we are tired and frustrated to look outward for the source of our frustration. Even though it is human nature doesn’t mean we should go with it. The enemy wants to use this very thing to help erode your marriage.
Second, we need to remind ourselves that: my husband is NOT another child and should never be treated as such. He is your husband and that alone is to be respected. Though you may have more on your plate and you don’t have as much time to devote to your husband as you used to, doesn’t mean he is an added stress.
Third, is to figure out how to proceed in your frustration. Looking inward first at why you are frustrated and stressed. Can that be changed by your mindset and things you are or aren’t doing. After doing your own self reflection, you can do an outward check. Is there something your husband could be helping you with. Something more you need from him, physically (helping out around the house or with the kids), emotionally (filling you up with your love language) or spiritually (praying with you and leading you). If there are needs you have, you have to be vulnerable and willing to share them with your husband. As always the way we approach such a conversation will greatly impact the outcome. Share how you are feeling with being stressed and ask kindly for help in the areas you need it.
Why, oh why are we so stubborn when it comes to asking for help? Again, it is easier to place blame outward than to humble ourselves and ask for help. I know for many years in our marriage and especially after kids, I expected Brad to anticipate my needs and to jump up to meet them. While their is a lesson for husbands in there of studying your wife and her needs, asking her regularly how you can help, we as wives have to be willing to be vulnerable and ask!
Our husbands want to be cherished, loved and respected for the men God has created them to be. They are a work in progress, just like us. We need to love them well and equating them to a child is not loving them well. Love your man well!
Wives: Is this something you struggle with as a wife? How have you overcome it? What are other things wives need to know about the subject?
Husbands: Has this been a theme in your marriage? How has it made you feel?