Kate says . . .
A breath of fresh air on a hot day that zaps your strength. A quench of cool, lovely water to a parched soul. A beautiful reminder for the content. An affirmation to those seeking oneness as God has designed it to be. A gleaning of the very best of the crop. An encouragement that inspires as it challenges. That is the lovely reality of Debra Fileta’s new book, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start with We>Me.
It is a choice. Every. Single. Day. Choosing marriage. For many choosing marriage, each and every day is a new concept. It means choosing your spouse above all else daily, continuing to live out your vows in the flesh, being diligent and intentional every day. Deb shares in her book many different character traits we have, such as independence, selfishness, vulnerability and pride and how when choosing the “we” over the “me” we are allowing God to refine us. We allow our creator to bring out the characteristics that He desires in us and in our marriage. Characteristics such as holiness, humility, intimacy, adoration, and authenticity.
I love that Deb reminds us that marriage was meant to bring out the best version of ourselves, but we often get stuck when the opposite happens. When we chose marriage many of us do not realize that we are also choosing to be refined. We do not realize the extent of our own selfishness and how that reality will come to the surface. We don’t embrace or understand that God wants to use this very special relationship to not only bring us joy, laughter, and love but to also bring us closer to our best version of ourselves through a beautiful refining process. Therefore bringing us closer to Jesus.
One of my favorite quotes is: “Marriage is the hardest and greatest thing you’ll ever do because through marriage you are called to ‘lose your self’ to gain so much more.” She goes on to say “Losing our ‘selves’ means we have to let go of all that God has called us not to be in exchange for all He has called us to be.”
I love this because I have grown to appreciate losing myself in this amazing thing called marriage. I don’t always love the process of losing myself or when I have to face realities about myself, but I welcome the refining process. Brad is the one person who gets to see ALL of me. The real and the raw as I work toward losing myself and growing in our oneness each day.
We have had the pleasure of getting to know Deb, John, and their beautiful children when they became part of our church family. Even prior to getting to know Deb and see that she is the real deal, I appreciated her voice in the marriage world. In Choosing Marriage, Deb will take you through some amazing stories of people she has encountered (you might even recognize a certain couple, hint-hint) as well as her own marriage journey to encourage you and challenge you. Her love of Jesus, His plan, and desire for marriage, as well as her counseling background, give her book a beautiful blend of scripture, practical marriage advice as well as clinical experience.
Choosing marriage is a fantastic read no matter where you feel you are in marriage. Whether you find yourself discouraged and tattered or doing well, and reminding yourself that you can still grow and learn, this book is for you. I hope you’ll considering Choosing Marriage. Who am I kidding, choose to buy a copy today! You won’t regret it!