Whose Life Are You Living, Anyway?

I know first-hand how challenging it can be to live in an authentic manner.

Not only do I see people struggle with this daily, but I, too, have had to work very hard to live the truth of who I am as a result of growing up in an extremely shaming, controlling, and judgmental environment.

Although living as one’s true self might seem like a natural and easy thing to do, many of us grew up in family environments that did not support our uninhibited and natural expressions.

Gradually we disconnected from the truth of who we were so as to be accepted by those we were dependent on for basic nurturing and care.

But in unconsciously disconnecting from our true self in order to emotionally survive, we may later find ourselves as adults people-pleasing others and hiding behind a facade, with no idea how to express and live our truth.

Learn how hiding your true self may be interfering with your ability to create integrity-based, mutually rewarding relationships, and consider trying out my ten strategies for creating a more joyful and emotionally honest life.

Time To Get Real: My Ten Strategies To Help You Live And Speak Your Truth

Strategies For Living An Emotionally Honest Life

Recognize You Have A True Self Nature:
Each of us enters the world possessing an innate, core, true self.

Each one of us is an ‘original model’, and as such we all have unique gifts to offer to the world.

Remember And Reflect On When You Felt Happiest As A Child:
Think back to when you were young. When did you feel most free, happy, and alive?

Take a few minutes after reflecting on what caused you to feel joyful in your youth, going back to your earliest conscious memory.

Then write about the people, places, things, and activities that brought you the greatest joy while you were growing up.

This simple ‘remembering and reflection’ exercise can put us deeply in touch with the innocent purity of our original true self nature.

Make A Commitment To Recover And Reconnect With The Joyful, Authentic Child In You That Is Your True Self Nature:
In a certain sense, recognizing and consciously reclaiming our own unique, true self nature is a paradoxical process of finding and embracing what we never really lost.

It is an excavation project, of sorts, i.e., it is a process of uncovering, discovering, recovering, and consciously reclaiming who (and what) we in fact have always been, and will always be – That which is most true, honest, expansive, and alive within ourselves, yet constant and unchanging.

Make A Decision To Release All That Feels False And No Longer Serves You:
Becoming authentic and emotionally honest requires that we be willing to release the parts of ourselves that we were conditioned to become by the various social systems we have been immersed in like a fish swimming in the sea, from our family-of-origin to the cultural and social systems we currently identify with, and everything in between.

Ask yourself if you feel ready to begin doing that. If not, I encourage you to explore what might be inhibiting you from living an emotionally honest and authentic life. Change is never easy. It’s never too late to “get real”!

The Process Of Letting Go:
I often ask my clients who are engaged in a process of true self recovery and reclamation, “Is this (person, place, thing, behavior, situation) serving you at the highest level today?”

Whatever is not serving us at the highest level is more than likely not serving others in our life at the highest level either, regardless of how it may seem.

It ultimately serves no one when we allow ourselves to remain small, diminish our internal light, and hide our truth from others (and perhaps even from ourselves.)

The Only Way Out Is Through:
It is often during this process of letting go of all that now feels false that long-buried emotions unconsciously repressed in childhood may surface, resulting in our possibly becoming sad, anxious, angry, and even genuinely depressed.

At times such as this it is imperative that a person feel he or she is not alone in the valiant task of facing any painful feelings and memories that may arise head on, versus avoiding the challenging, difficult work of genuine transformational growth; therefore, this is a time when the help of a trusted therapist, counselor, transformational life coach, and/or a psychoeducational peer-support group can prove to be invaluable to a person engaged in the task of reclaiming and authentically embodying his or her true self.

It’s Okay To Experience And Release Old, Pent-Up Feelings From Childhood:
It is also not uncommon for a person whose true self nature was shamed and dismissed in childhood to find they are experiencing feelings of intense anger, even rage, during this critical transformational time of inner self-exploration and excavation.

This can especially surprise those who strive to be ‘nice’ their entire lives to avoid upsetting others and risking conflict.

I like to remind my people during such times that the word ‘courage’ includes the word ‘rage’, and successful passage through the dark night of the soul is ultimately brought about by processing these more difficult feelings and emotions that society labels as ‘negative’.

Those who were victims of neglect and/or other forms of abuse in childhood are especially prone to finding themselves overwhelmed with these darker, extremely intense feelings; thus, working with a licensed psychotherapeutic professional and/or abuse recovery network such as Adult Survivors of Child Abuse can be especially critical during this phase of recovery, healing, and growth.

Pay Attention To Your Dreams:
I have also learned from both personal and professional experience that this is a time to pay attention to one’s active imagination, dreams, and fantasies, as suggested by the great Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, for these signs and symbols emanating from deep within our unconscious invariably reveal important keys to a given individual’s growth, including acting as an inner wise guide, when one understands how to begin to interpret the personal and universal symbols contained therein.

Release The Limiting Views Of Others:
This is also a time when a person might report to their therapist, transformational life coach, or support network that they are feeling increasingly uncomfortable around family members, colleagues, and friends if those relationships were dependent on their being a certain way -A way that now no longer feels authentic, embodied, or emotionally true.

This is especially the case when one has knowingly or unknowingly been playing out a particular role within a given relationship and/or system (e.g., hero, rescuer, ‘black sheep’, enabler) and/or been an unwitting recipient of another’s psychological projections (a process whereby humans defend themselves against their own unpleasant impulses by denying their existence while attributing them to others).

At some point you may have no choice other than to make it clear that you are no longer willing to distort or hide your true self in order to protect the feelings of others, and that you simply will not accept being manipulated into living out old, familiar role(s) in the dysfunctional system’s ‘script’ (typically one’s family-of-origin) so that the status quo can be maintained.

You’re Not Obligated To Play By Other People’s “Rules”:
If it wasn’t clear before, once you commit to live your life authentically it will quickly become evident that every system has it’s ‘rules’, be it a family system, a work system, a political system, etc.

This is a good time to remember that whatever the system can’t change, control, and/or accept, it will attempt to diminish, label, reject, and even (in extreme cases) ‘eject’.

And this is why I see each and every person who is engaged in a sincere process of true self recovery and reclamation as being heroic, for it is no easy task to realize the truth of who and what one is while attempting to maintain relationships with others who may be demanding we “change back” (whether overtly or covertly) so that they might feel more comfortable, in control, and secure.

Realizing (And Living As) Your True Self
As illustrated in the above ten strategies, remaining committed to an ongoing transformational process designed to further our personal and professional growth, enhance our relationships, and increase our overall sense of confidence and well being is not always a simple or enjoyable task, especially in the beginning.

And yet, those who decide to do what it takes to live from a place of emotional integrity and fearless honesty invariably discover that it is worth the effort required, for it is by courageously committing to recovering the ‘lost child’ within that we are able to become the true self we were always destined to be. And what could be better than that?

Improving Marital Communication

Communication is central to our ability to connect well with our spouse and working in cooperation with them in resolving presenting issues that arise in period to day life.

Though there are a lot facets of communications, I want to focus on one specific area that I find married couples are often unaware of that can make a significant and positive inconsistency in how they communicate with each other: slowing down.

Slowing down is a wide-reaching word that needs to be defined.

In this particular context, I’m not referring to enunciating slowly or having fewer affairs on our schedule.

I’m referring to something more difficult, and maybe more important: controlling our psychological responses.

That’s right, limiting how we respond to our spouse in spite of how we feel.

This is something that is always easier said than done, peculiarly when we’re having a discrepancy and can feel our ardors steadily rising.

It’s usually at these critical points that we say or do stuffs that we regret, and eventually arrange the feelings security in our union at risk.

Maintaining that psychological safety and avoiding agonizing infractions is fundamental to a healthful wedlock.

Safeguarding your wedlock regarding the question is simply difficult and challenging where reference is allow our ardors to leader our responses.

That’s why we need to put principles like slowing down in place.

Let’s take a moment to examine how we can apply this unique principle to be employed in our marriages.

Improving Marital Communication By Slowing DownTAKE TIME TO CALM DOWN
Taking time to calm down may seem alone elementary, but I assure you it is not.

takes a full-grown and punished individual to discern a dialogue is quickly breaking down, decide to release for a period of time, and acquire the room required to calm down emotionally.

It is understood that countless marriages would prefer to have their development partners remain with them until their dissension is resolved, however staying together and continuing to talk may only lead to further conflict or the psychological withdrawal of one or both members.

The actuality is there are times when slowing down and doing the following is far more constructive :
1. Identify when a conflict is developing.
2. Break from the conversation and allow each member to have adequate time to rest emotionally.
3. Sustain the necessity discussion eventually that day after all the persons has calmed down.

These steps allow each spouse to move out of push or flight penchants, to reflect upon why they are experiencing a sense of increase affection, and to prepare to calmly disclose the basis of their thwarting, fury, hurt, or sadness when their conversation resumes.

It too helps to do something which helps you calm down and loosen.

Take a amble, work out, pray, listen to music you enjoy, predict, or pertain a different program.

Either way, do something that you enjoy to help your person and mind to respite before returning to the conversation with your partner.

I write this knowing that couples who obtain this type of rest are better well placed to calmly express their thoughts and sentiments to each other, and to work through important issues in a fashion that helps construct the feeling the linkages between them.

Empathy is a truly unique and strong human capacity that get a long way in marital communication when it’s addressed.

For some people, empathy is more of a natural response.

For others, it is something they have to work to develop.

In either occasion, empathy is a resource we need to become technical in using if we desire to see our communication with our spouse reach new levels.

I’ve regularly encountered couples come into matrimony advise seminars annoyed, defensive and in conflict with one another.

They seemed to be coming nowhere in their conflict, aside from exclusively heightening developments in the situation at hand.

After helping them slow down and exploit abuse of pity, they begin to engage very differently.

Not simply are they able to calm down, they are better able to understand the perspective of their spouse and authenticate what they had been going through emotionally.

Watching this conversion comes is nothing short of phenomenal.

Likewise, these experiences speak to our capacity to literally improve and change the specific characteristics of our speeches, while increasing our understanding of our spouse.

The following is a brief exercise that you can follow to practice consuming empathy.

Take 60 seconds to mentally put yourself in your spouse’s position.

Ask yourself, “If I was them, What would I be seeming? or What would I be thinking? ”

Take added time to reflect upon the thoughts and inclinations generated by military exercises, and allow yourself to consider them in light of how your marriage is responding.

Like most duets, you’ll likely find that putting yourself in your spouse’s berth enables you to be more sensitive to their territory necessities, applies, lusts and feelings responses.

I would encourage you to practice this exercise multiple times a day, whether you and your marriage are together or apart.

If you happen to be apart, know that you can eventually commit them by saying something of the implications of: “I was thinking about you earlier, and am wondering if you might be sensation( e.g ., expectant, hurt, etc .) or be thinking about( e.g ., our quarrel earlier this week, etc .). ”

This type of engagement is important because it instantly gives your marriage know you were thinking about them( which is always a great feeling to express) and conveys that you are genuinely sensitive to their emotional and marital needs.

Last but not least, placed boundaries in your dialogues as a means of slowing down and impeding conflict from developing.

This is a truly important step in healthy communication.

I’ve often determined marriages neglect preparing borderlines and finish up in a pain negative communication hertz( e.g ., two other members harshly engages/ the other member emotionally moves) in which both members experience hurt and misunderstood.

It’s far more to know your feelings restrictions in a conversation and to do them known early, in order to protect yourself and to help your spouse better understand how to redirect their approach to you.

“I care about you and would be glad to listen to you, however please stop affecting me with your words.”

“I know you would like to keep talking about this, but I detect myself shutting down.

Let’s break for a few minutes, remain, and persist afterwards.”

The objective is to be aware of your own emotional process, to use an I appear account showing those affections, and to do your communication necessitates known to your spouse as soon as a possible.

Defining a boundary in this mode will assist you slow down the feelings process between you, as opposed to seeing it quickly heighten into something destructive.

All of these strategies are helpful. And more, implementing any of them well requires that our middles are in the right place.

Prayer is central regarding the question, as it reminds us of our large calling to live out our desire to honor the Lord each day, including beloved and care for our spouse.

It also helps us be determined whether we are allowing The Fruit of the Spirit to be evident in our daylight to daytime lives.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, delight, serenity, equanimity, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no statute( Galatians 5:22 ). ”

Couples who infuse their relationship with these result will significantly benefit from peace and connection that follow in their relationship.


Feed The Spirit

Did you know that a human being will expand when it is fed with praise?

Conversely, a human flavor that lives under a continual shelling of negative criticism will be coming demoralized.

There is a lot of open space between offering praise or accommodating criticism on the actions of another person.

You are more likely sounded this: “If you cannot say something nice to someone, say nothing.” There is wisdom in that.

It entails several happens, to include: Don’t drag down the spirit of another person.

Don’t judge another person.

Don’t improve developments in the situation.

Accept meanness, inadequacy, duplicity, and even a threat to your safety.

As you can see , not all things that come with obstructing your opinion to yourself are good for you or anyone else.

Many human flavors are a positive precedent to us all.

Equally many atmospheres subsist benignly.Feed The Spirit

They might be a positive influence, but they are not( for a variety of reasons).

The spirits that get our attention are primarily the ones that are walking blasphemies of the flesh.

Likewise, for a variety of reasons, they seek exclusively money, strength, approval, or anything that they have decided has cost – only for themselves, or for them and the stooges who follow them.

There are some spirits who are truly demonic, and they feed on your anguish, lies in the fact that spiritual or actual.

Over time, and with much suffer, I have learned to anticipate and be prepared for all types of atmospheres.

By participating in a group activity, such as a slog assignment, a sporting contest, a race, or a social event, your encounters with any or all types can be assured.

What do I feed the feelings of others?

Partly, that depends on what my capacity is in the group activity. If I am tasked to be the reviewer, the enforcer, the role model, the president, then yes, I will feed the malcontent a quantity of vinegar and tell them to get their act together.

But, if anyone else has one of those enterprises, then, I am supposed to support, cure, inspire, or maybe train that person to lead effectively.

Bear in judgment that merely the devilish beings are evil.

Those who sin are misguided.

They necessity positive advice , not an acceptance of their non-social behavior.

The best part of developing an awareness and actively feeding human flavors is to recognize the good ones.

There is an art to this. Don’t heap praise on someone like chocolate syrup on ice cream. Watch, listen, and find the start, the young, the wounded, and other good spirits.

Say something encouraging to one of them when you feel in your mettle that they deserve it.

Just say something like this: “You are really good at that, ” or “I revere your fearlessnes, ” or “You remind me of my son, whom I adore with all of my soul, ” or “I can feel the ignite in the room gleam when you extend us, ” or “I experience your conversation.”

Choose if you will give praise privately or publicly. Then, watch a good human spirit light up like Christmas!

Lasting Love Advice For Long Term Relationships


Love is the most powerful emotion a human being can experience, yet today over 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce.

The truth is, love is hard work and you must fight for it.

There are going to be tough times in addition to the happy times.

If you really love someone, the two of you will be able to conquer anything.

If you want your relationship to last a lifetime, listen up. I’ve listed below some advice to help keep your love lasting:

Always stay positive.
Remember when you thought your significant other was attractive, funny, sweet, and one-of-a-kind?

Somewhere along the way all of that got buried underneath a pile of annoyances.

It happens in all relationships: the garbage doesn’t get taken out, one-person snores, and socks get left on the floor.

But don’t let the little annoyances make you forget about what truly made you fall in love in the first place.

Instead of dwelling on the irritations that make you want to pull your hair out, think about all of the things you love about your partner instead.

Communicate effectively.
Effective communication is critical to the success of any long-term relationship.

According to John Gottman, a leading researcher regarding why marriages are successful, there are nine skills that, if learned, can help couples communicate more effectively.

He suggests never criticizing, insulting, getting defensive, or ignoring your partner, no matter how mad you may be.

Instead, calm down before saying something hurtful and speak non-defensively. Validate your significant other by really listening to what they have to say.

And finally, practice these skills over and over so that when you’re tired, stressed, or angry, you will still be able to use them.

Keep the spark.
When two people first meet there are butterflies, fireworks, and so many sparks you practically need sunglasses.

This feeling is caused by the hormone oxytocin.

Lasting Love Advice For Long Term RelationshipsThe hormone oxytocin increases empathy and communication and is key to sustaining a relationship.

But sooner or later, the sparks burn out and the butterflies fly away. Those exciting feelings just don’t last forever.

But it is possible to reignite the spark by doing something out of your normal routine. It’s all too easy to get stuck in a rut- same old restaurants and same old TV shows – mix things up and have some fun.

So next time you’re about to go to the movies for the hundredth time, why not opt for a cooking class or an amusement park instead?

Love isn’t always a fairy tale; it can get routine sometimes and you’re not always going to get along.

But love is learning to put someone else’s needs above your own. You must admit your wrong and work on becoming a better person.

If you fight through the tough times, the happy times will be worth it.

In the end the ultimate reward is having unconditional love that is true.

If you want to strengthen your relationship and want someone to guide you, reach out to one of our couple’s coaches.

They will provide you with strategic tools and advice to achieve a happier and stronger relationship.

7 Fast Changes That Will Get Your Ex Back

What happened when your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you?

Did you beg or plead with them? Tell them to give you another chance? Promise to CHANGE?

Understand something: no matter what they told you, your ex broke up with you for a single reason: they’re just not attracted to you anymore.

This attraction could be physical (i.e. you got lazy and let yourself go). It could be mental (you got crazy, jealous, or overly-controlling).

It could be emotional (you abused your ex with words or actions).

t could also be a combination of all three.

Still, in the end, they didn’t see you as desirable anymore.

The value you had at the beginning of the relationship was no longer there.

The things that drew your boyfriend or girlfriend to you, and made them want to date you?

They’re gone, at least for now.

Re-creating the Original Attraction Your Lover had for You

Okay, now that you know why your relationship ended, you can take the next step forward.

Because to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back, we’re going to use that same information to make your ex want you again.

Now, don’t think I’m telling you to “change for someone”.

That’s not what I’m saying.

We’ve all heard a thousand times the phrases “don’t try to change me” and “love me for who I am”.

At the same time however, you can modify certain behaviors without changing the fundamental person you are.

And in most cases, these behaviors probably changed over the course of your relationship, making your ex fall out of love with you.

Think about that for a minute. Were you jealous at the end, but in the beginning not at all?

Were you crazy about controlling your ex, stalking their Facebook, checking their text messages, etc… but in the beginning of the relationship you trusted that person and never thought twice about those things?

If so, YOU CHANGED. Over the course of your romance, you got insecure. You got needy, or greedy, or grumpy.

Whatever it was, it was different than when you first met your boyfriend or girlfriend. The very things that made them want in the beginning?

They slowly went away.

There are SEVEN fast adjustments you can make to change your ex’s opinion of you right now:

Take Care of Yourself

The first thing you and your ex noticed about each other was your physical appearance.

And while looks aren’t everything, if that initial physical attraction isn’t there?

There won’t ever be a relationship in the first place.

Make absolutely sure your ex is still attracted to you by becoming that person they met in the beginning.

If you gained weight? Lose it.

If you dress sloppy? Buy some new clothes.

Exercise has amazing healing benefits, not only for your physical body, but for your emotional state as well.

And joining a gym is social; you’ll meet other like-minded people and you’ll find yourself driven to exercise more.

Looking and feeling good is especially important if your ex is dating someone else.

The good news is that you have a past history with them, and when they think back on the good times in that history, they envision you as you appeared in the beginning.

Always Stay Social

Wallowing in pity sucks. Locking yourself in your house because you feel heartbroken is a huge turnoff.

So no matter what it takes? Drag yourself out into the sunlight and MEET PEOPLE.

Have old friends you haven’t seen in a while?

Call them.

Relatives or cousins you lost touch with?

Meet up and see them.

Go new places, experience new things.

Most of all, have a good time.

The more social you appear and the more you’re surrounded with other people? The more attractive you become in your ex’s eyes.

Be a Leader, not a Follower

One of the fundamental components of charisma is leadership.

If you think about that really cool, overly-charismatic friend you know?

Chances are good they’re always the one deciding where to go, and what to do next.

Leaders attract people. Fun, and even adventure, seems to follow everywhere they go.

For women, men possessing leadership qualities are a huge Aphrodisiac.

And as for men? Women who are leaders are attractive for the same reasons; they’re interesting, independent, and much less insecure or needy.

Be Responsible for your Own Happiness

Ever hear friends who talk about their lover and say “this person is my whole world” or “I’d be lost without them?”

Yeah, that’s bad. Your mate should be an integral part of your life, but NEVER you whole life.

They should enhance it. Make it better.

Make you a better person with them at your side.

That said, you need to be happy on your own.

If your happiness depends on someone else, then instant sadness is only a breakup away. As you may already have realized.

Happy people are ALWAYS attractive.

If you’re out laughing, joking, and having a great time… all without your ex boyfriend or girlfriend?

They’ll look back at you and wonder how you could be getting along SO WELL without them.

This makes them re-examine the breakup. It shakes their confidence. Were you a really great catch that they mistakenly let go?

Looks that way, doesn’t it?

Always Have Things to Do (Hobbies, etc… )

Interesting people are attractive. Boring people are not.

Now, guess which one your ex boyfriend or girlfriend would rather date?

Think about the things you did before you met your ex.

Now think about how little you might have done them while you were dating.

Yes, dating takes up a lot of your free time. It’s rewarding, sure, but odds are you probably dropped a few hobbies or even a sports team or two.

Make Sure You Have Concrete Goals

Men and women both desire mates who are going somewhere in life.


Because if your lover is going places, he or she is usually taking you with them.

Now examine where you are in life. If you’re in school, do you have a plan for the future?

For college, or maybe a career path?

If you’re already out in the world, are you working?

If not, that’s terribly unattractive.

If so, is your job something that will lead to bigger things, or could you actually do better?

It’s very easy to get comfortable in a job or routine.

As such, it’s also easy to get lazy.

If you’re just ‘existing’ right now, your boyfriend or girlfriend might be looking for something more.

But if you were to have actual goals, and start working toward them?

That raises your value instantly and immensely.

Date Other People – Even if you do it Casually

This is probably the biggest motivating factor in making your ex want you back.

Because if they love you even a little bit, and they suddenly see you with someone else?

It instantly makes them re-evaluate you as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend again.

See, your ex probably knows he or she can have you back. Chances are good you’ve already told them this (or showed them).

This makes them comfortable. It makes it so that they can continue being single, and enjoy the possibility of seeing other people, all while knowing they can get you back whenever they want.

Going out with other people takes that away from them.

The confidence that you’re still in love with them disappears all at once.

They become unsure.

They look at you again.

And when they do look?

You’ll want to make sure you did the above six other things we’ve already talked about, so you appear totally attractive to them again.

My Girlfriend Wants to Be Friends – What Can I Do?

She sits you down. Breaks up with you. As smoke clears, that’s when she mutters that dreaded phrase no one ever wants to hear:

“It’s okay, we can still be friends… “

Her friend. That’s what you are to her right now. You went from as close and as intimate as two people can possibly be, and in the span of a single day, your ex suddenly wants nothing more than to be your friend.

Or DOES she?

You’ll hear lots of people tell you they ‘stayed friends’ with an ex after the break up. Hell, you might even see some of them hanging out.

But that’s on the surface.

That’s how things appear to be. In reality however, understand this:


Nor do you want to. Because in any ‘friends’ with an ex situation, one person always wants the other person more.

There are always unreciprocated feelings when it comes to breaking up, because every breakup has a winner and a loser.


It’s always funny when you hear someone talk about a break up being “mutual”.

This is unmitigated bull, no matter who spews it. Even if the couple is bad for each other, even if they drifted apart through constant fighting, in the end, there is always ONE person who said “Hey, this is over,” and the other person had to sit and pretend like they were in agreement with it, when in reality, that was the furthest thing from the truth.

How to Handle Being on the Losing End of the Break Up

Alright, now that you’ve realized yourself as the ‘dumpee’ and your girlfriend as the ‘dumper’, you can move on toward what you really want: getting your relationship BACK again.

This is something you can only accomplish once you’ve accepted that your relationship is finally over, and not tried to drag it out through some lame “let’s be friends” junk.

Honestly, you don’t want your old relationship back. You want your girlfriend back. But you want her in a new relationship; one free from all the crap that caused your breakup in the first place.

One that allows the both of you to start fresh, rather than have to rehash the same old stuff that you’ve been fighting about for months and even years.

Soon, you’ll use some shortcut strategies to change your ex’s mind. It’ll happen fast, so be prepared for it.

But this can happen only if you’re willing to do exactly the opposite of what you’re doing now: breaking ties and moving forward.

Cutting away the cords of your past relationship, and not embarrassing yourself by hanging on to some lame promise of friendship.

Why Being Friends With Your Ex girlfriend Never Works

There are lots of reasons why staying friends after your breakup is bad, but let’s first take a look at what your girlfriend wants. Ready? Good:

  • She wants the security of knowing you’re ‘still there’ so it’s easier to break up with you.
  • She wants that security because it ratifies her decision to break up with you.
  • She wants to see you upset and despondent, because it makes her feel like she won when she broke up with you.
  • She loves the attention of knowing you still love her while she remains at a distance, safely broken up with you.

See a pattern yet? Good. Because most guys who agree to the post-breakup “let’s be friends” nonsense don’t.

They’re so desperate to remain in their girlfriend’s life – even as something as lame as a “friend” – that they’re willing to forget about the part where it virtually destroys any chance of getting her back.

When you stay friends with your ex, you’re giving her comfort. Security. Safety.

You’re giving her a shoulder to cry on. An ear to talk to, anytime she feels sad or lonely, so she can be cheered up.

Staying friends means she gets to see you NOT dating other people while you wait around for her. And yes, she totally knows you’re still waiting around for her.

Most of all, in asking to be your ‘friend’ your girlfriend has filed you away in that one place you never want to be: the friend zone.

Now the problem is, you want her back.

But you want her back so badly that you’re willing to ‘do anything’ to get her, which means you’ll bite the bullet and be that good friend whenever she needs it.

What if You’re Friends with Your Ex Already?

Already made the mistake of staying friends with your ex girlfriend? That’s easy: dump her.

Yeah, that’s right: dump the friendship. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, just stop texting and stop calling and stop posting to her Facebook page.

And when she calls you? Stop taking those calls. Stop responding to her texts, and when she starts out with cute little feelers like “Hey, did you drop off the face of the Earth?” make sure those texts are met with even MORE silence.

The silence she feels should be deafening. Make HER lonely. Make HER wonder where you went. And after a few days of this? Respond with a single, mysterious line: “Sorry, been busy.”

It’s not her business what you’ve been busy with, because guess what: she’s not your girlfriend. Think about it: if you were to interrogate her as to what she’s been up to, she’d take it as you trying to stalk your way back into a relationship with her again. Therefore, she gets the same treatment.

There are lots of different ways to lure your girlfriend back, but the most important thing is to first have a step-by-step plan.

Don’t act without knowing exactly how to handle the most common responses from your ex, and without knowing exactly what to say and do.

5 Great Tips On How To Improve Communication

Knowing how to communicate effectively is a very invaluable skill to have and it can help improve your personal and professional life tremendously.

It is not enough to just send a message to another person; it has to be sent in such a manner that the desired result is obtained.

Communication is therefore a two-way process. However, most people are unaware of how to communicate properly due to a variety of reasons.

If you are interested in finding out how to improve communication then the following tips will be of great use to you:

1. Give adequate attention when you are sending a message to someone. In other words, try to focus on each conversation so that you can give the right message out and avoid sending out mixed messages.

This applies as much to written messages as it does to verbal ones.

You should avoid the temptation of multitasking when you are communicating with someone else because it can lead to mistakes and hurt feelings.

2. Look for additional clues that will help you read between the lines. Do not take everything at face value.

This is especially important when you are having a face to face conversation with someone.

If the other person’s verbal and non-verbal do not match the content of the message then you can be sure that something is wrong.

3. Address communication errors as soon as they occur because they have the capacity of escalating to major problems.

Do not be afraid of asking the other person to clarify or offering a clarification yourself in order to avoid major issues.

4. Reinforce the message by repeating it if necessary or by using another means of communication in addition to it.

If you have had a telephone conversation on an important subject, something that includes names, dates or prices for instance, then it’s a good idea to send a text message or email with the details you have discussed so that there is no scope for doubts to remain.

5. Ask questions if you feel that you haven’t understood what a particular discussion is about.

Most people will be glad to answer you in detail because it shows that you are very interested in what they are talking about.

You will find it very easy to get along with people once you learn how to improve communication with them.

In fact, you’ll also realize that people are more likely to be helpful and accommodating if you communicate your requirements properly.

The Positives of Getting Back With An Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend

We have all been guilty of stalking our ex on Facebook at some point or another.

It brings back all those wonderful memories and we secretly think about getting back with them.

Then, reality strikes and we panic.

We feel guilty for thinking this way, especially if either of you are dating someone else. But maybe these thoughts are not so bad after all?

If you have recently broken up with your ex, you probably feel like the same passion and chemistry can not happen with anyone else.

There is a reason behind every thought that comes to your head

Here are some reasons why you need to need to embrace the “should I get back with my ex” feeling:

It is a familiar street: As human beings, we all embrace comfort and certainty. It feels great when you find things to be familiar.

Both of you already know so much about each other – likes and dislikes. You know how to cheer each other up, how to excite each other, each other’s routines, habits and so much more.

It feels great to hang out with a person who knows you in and out – even those moments of silence speak a lot with them.

Committing mistakes is only human

We have all messed up at some point in life, but we all get a second chance.

If you and your ex failed to understand each other on the first occasion, it is not the end of your connection.

You can get back if you still have feelings for each other.

Only this time make sure that you do not repeat last time’s mistakes.

Both of you have grown as individuals

When you break-up it leads to soul searching – you question your principles, your actions, your attitude and what went wrong.

You have time think if you were you too possessive or maybe you didn’t give enough space to your partner, etc.

Both of you have grown and matured since the last time you dated, maybe it is time to considering getting your ex back.

If time has brought the two of you together again after you previously fell-out, it means you are meant to be and its time to try again.

The two of you are meant to be together

Remember Ross and Rachel from the TV show Friends. They messed around for a while, but eventually ended up being together.

Throughout the various seasons of the show, it always felt like they were meant to be together and so finally gave it a try.

If the universe has conspired to bring you face to face with your ex, then there is a definite reason.

Do you feel that there is still a spark between the two of you?

If yes, then, getting back should be for the best of both of you.

We all like familiarity, however, try to defy our hearts with logic.

Love is absurd yet the most fulfilling emotion in the world.

Now that circumstances have brought you in face with your past, “Should I Get Back with My Ex” is not the worst question to ask.

Make sure you resolve all the problems you encountered in the relationship on the previous occasion.

Getting back is a huge step and can be intimidating – do it for the right reasons and be clear about your expectations upfront with your partner.


What Are the Signs My Ex Still Loves Me?

Wondering whether or not you should try to get back together with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend? Before doing anything else, it’s good to know which signs and signals indicate interest after the breakup… and which do not.

After a break up, many people fight for a second chance in their relationship.

It’s common to want to hold onto someone when you still love them, especially if you think the romance can work.

But does your ex still love you?

Knowing the answer can make a big difference in whether or not you get them back.

For every break up there’s a potential reconciliation.

For anyone trying to win back an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, you should understand and believe that fixing your breakup is not only possible, but actually pretty likely.

A startling number of couples give love a second chance after being apart for a while, and your own relationship should be no different.

But if your ex was the one who broke things off, it’s your responsibility to get him or her to the point where they miss, need, and want you back again.

Existing Feelings – Why They Linger After a Breakup

An important thing to realize is that a partner’s feelings for you will always run strong.

In order to break up with you they can’t just turn their feelings off like a faucet… it doesn’t work that way.

So what your ex does is take whatever left over emotions he or she might have toward you after the break up and buries them deep inside.

Sometimes they bury them deep, but other times they put them just beneath the surface.

You always can tell when your ex still loves you because they’ll turn away quickly and be reluctant to talk to you immediately after the break up, often breaking into tears as a defense mechanism to get away from you.

This is because he or she knows you’re trying to pull those feelings back out and show them to them.

If getting your ex back were simple, you could just dig up those feelings and use them to win his or her heart again. However, it’s a little more complicated than that.

The ideal way of getting back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is to allow that person to rediscover those emotions herself.

This isn’t to say you can’t help out by showing your ex where those feelings are buried.

There are very specific methods for uncovering the love that your ex still has for you, but you need to do it in a manner that’s slow and subtle.

If you come off as too fast, desperate, or overbearing, your ex is going to take three steps back for each one you take forward.

Causing your ex to face those emotions will make them miss you, and from there, think about you.

Dating you again is the next logical step, as he or she begins to realize what life will be like without you in it.

Many people are afraid to make a move before asking themselves “Does my ex still love me?” They want definite signs that their ex-girlfriend or ex boyfriend still has feelings for them before they proceed.

Interpreting How Your Ex Treats You After Breaking Things Off

To know how good your chances are, you need to examine the way you’ve been treated by your boyfriend or girlfriend after the break up.

Have you been in contact with your ex? Post-break up communication is usually an indication that one or both of you aren’t over the relationship.

If your ex hasn’t called or written you after they ended things, it’s possible they’re trying to move on. The further along he or she gets, the harder it will be to win them back.

Although giving your ex some space after the break up – and a period of non-communication – can be instrumental in making them miss you again, there’s also a time when you need to initiate contact yourself.

Knowing when and how to do that is crucial, before your ex takes too many steps away from your relationship, making it unrecoverable.

Don’t be upset if your ex hasn’t called you yet. If their feelings are strong, breaking ties might require them to steer clear of you for a while.

Some people do this for fear of relapsing back into the relationship. The know their own feelings… and those feelings are so strong, they’re afraid that seeing or hearing from you will destroy their will to continue the break up. But other people?

They’re intentionally trying to put you out of their minds for a reason. Getting back into your ex’s head is a necessary part of winning your boyfriend or girlfriend back.

The good news is that if you’re still in touch with your ex, things are looking up.

If he or she is still emailing or texting you, or even calling to speak to you after they’ve ended things, chances are they’re missing your company. Any person still talking to an ex has still left the door to the relationship open… if only just a crack.

There are methods you can use to gently tug on past feelings and emotions toward you, causing that door to slowly swing open. By touching on existing memories you shared together and exhibiting behaviors consistent with the very beginning of your relationship, you can put your ex into an entirely different mindset.

When you’ve created the type of environment where they’re receptive to the idea of dating you again, you can set up a casual meeting for lunch or coffee. This is a huge step toward getting back together after a breakup.

An even better sign that your ex still loves you is when they call just to say hello, without any provocation or message on your part.

When that happens, your ex is sitting on the fence, trying to determine whether or not to get back together with you.

Part of them wants to see you again, and the other part wants to continue being single. Which part do you get when he or she calls?

It all depends on the timing. Lots of different factors affect your ex’s mental state at all different times of the day or week.

For example, when they’re lonely and sitting on their bed at night? That’s when your ex is most likely to miss you.

Choosing these moments of opportunity to make your move can greatly boost your chances of success, but timing isn’t everything… you also need to know what to say, and what to do that will make your ex want you back.

10 Ways To Help Your Relationship

In a relationship it’s often too easy to let our everyday lives get the best of us, but there are ways to get the good back into our relationships and to make both feel extra special once again. Here are a few simple ways in how you can bring out the best in your relationship!

1. Keep dating each other!

Often after we’ve gone past the dating time we forget how much going out and having some good alone time together, actually means for the relationship.

Especially if you have kids or a very busy work schedule, the dates can prove to be even more important for you.

There’s no need to make a huge deal or spending a lot of money on a date, the most important thing is your time and attention to each other.

Regardless of what you chose to do, make sure to turn off your mobiles and focus on one another.

These little moments are supposed to help you get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and to remind you of why you picked this person and no other to be your special someone.

2. Bring back the fun into the relationship

Do you remember how she/he used to make you laugh when you first met? Well; you probably made him laugh a lot more back then too.

And, it’s about time you both brought back the fun into your relationship. Is there anything you both used to like doing together? Try to do that.

Did you used to spend hours in bed in the weekend exploring every bit of each other’s bodies, but now you spend that time doing the laundry instead?

Call a babysitter once in a while and explore one another again.

Also try watching great comedies while snuggling up, go to a stand-up show, go stay at a new hotel, excersice together or why not go on a fun activity?

Whatever it is, make sure to have fun with your partner and do so as often as you can.

This will make anything in the relationship – and the rest of your life – feel so much easier.

3. Send something to her/his work place

Okay, there are a few gals and guys out there that would absolutely hate this.

They are probably those who work at a super macho work place where your other half simply wants to leave everything that’s lovely and special, safely away from her/his bullying co-workers.

Then we also have the girl/guy where you kind of do everything for her/him and they does nothing – or little – in return… With those two types of partners: don’t bother sending anything to their work place.

For any other type of significant other: send something to their office! Post her/him a piece of the lyrics to your song, put it in a card and send it to their work place.

Or, send a photo designed mug from for example an online store. There are tonnes of cute little personal things you can buy your other half which will make her/him feel extra special and brighten up their work day.

Just seeing your smiling face on a mug can mean a lot during a hectic day at work.

4. Give them what they have wished for

There is nothing worse than receiving a gift you don’t want but it can be ever so much harder figuring out what that perfect present is.

Most don’t give you a list of suggestions – even though we may wish they did! Instead it’s the subtle hints we need to go by: i.e. he complains of his feet getting cold at his parent’s house so you get him slippers in the shape of his favourite video game character.

That type of person is easy to buy for!

But to find gifts for anyone else can prove more challenging and with these women and men you need a few clever ideas to help you on the way: The best trick is to take note of her/his hobbies and ask questions, “is there anything you wish you had?” or, “is it anything you wish you had to your golf set?” It’s okay to ask a person what they want for a gift – often it’s the only way you’ll be able to know what they truly want.

5. Be supportive

When we really care about someone we want the best for them, but we often forget that being free to make their own mistakes can be just what they need.

To fall, to try again and have someone holding their hands while they do it, is more important than telling your partner why they shouldn’t do something.

Let them discover why starting their own business on the side wasn’t a great idea for themselves, and only give her/him advice when they ask for it.

Instead, always be there for them, capture them when they fall and help them back up again. Remember that she/he is a grownup, so put your faith and patience in them and they won’t let you down.

6. Try something new together

It doesn’t have to be anything more radical than trying out a new restaurant, club or why not that thing you has fantasized about doing in the bedroom.

Yes, I’m looking at you ladies, is it anything you’d love to do?

When you allow yourself to try something new you are forced to go a little bit out of your own comfort zone, but when you do so together: that’s when the magic happens.

This practice can be applied to most things in your life, however there’s no need to do something new together more than a few times a week.

If your other half really doesn’t like changes though, see if there’s anything else which can spice things up; like making existing fun times even more special.

For instance, if you two love watching a comedian on the TV, how about going to see one of their live performances? Bring back the heat into your relationship by being a bit more spontaneous!

7. Touch and be kind to each other

They say that life is made up by all about the little things we do, and in a relationship touching and being kind to each other may be the most important things you can do.

Sadly it’s also the first things we tend to forget in our busy lifestyles. You might only see each other when we’re tired or busy doing something else – it’s really no wonder why you might snap at one another!

Luckily touching and kindness is very easy to get back into your relationship.

When she/he comes home from work, give them a hug, look them in their eyes, smile and say welcome home.

Mean it! Brag about your other half in front of your joint friends, and pat or stroke your partner’s arm when you’ve said it.

Make sure you say something you truly mean. Or, don’t expect her to want to have sex when she is too tired or when you haven’t been very kind and touching during the rest of the day.

Help her out more and build up a better relationship outside the bedroom first, court her, and then you’ll see some more heat!

Ask yourself how you want to be met and treated, and treat your loved one in the same way.

You wouldn’t want to grow up or live in a harsh family or relationship, so don’t enforce an environment you wouldn’t want to be in either.

Often it’s the small things we do that make all the difference. When you touch and are kind to each other throughout the day, you may also notice how everything else in your relationship improves.

8. Communicate wisely

All of us communicate, regardless if it’s through body language, notes, words or texts, and communication says to be the heart of a relationship.

But there are forms that can be treated as bad forms of communication and those that are better. For example: a happy or supportive note or text is a good form of communication, but a stressful or demanding one is not.

Try to make all your complaints and hurt in person, if it’s easier for you to put it in writing than introduce the conversation with writing her/him a letter.

Never expect them to think or get the same reaction that you do: we are all individuals.

Remember that your other half is a grown up and that you are too.

Sit down on the sofa, turn off everything else that may disturb you, face each other and talk.

When your other half talks, stay quiet and truly listen to what she/he has to say.

Sometimes when we hear – or think that we are about to hear – something that will upset us, we show it away by not fully listening.


Fully listen to what your partner has to say and together find a way to sort it.

Don’t forget that men and women often listen differently.

He might remain silent and avoid eye contact while you look straight at him and acknowledge that you’re listening by nodding, or saying “OK” and “yes”.

No fighting will ever help as much as a good talk will.

And when you ask them to do something, don’t treat them like a child. If you get hurt instead say, “When you forgot to do that, it made me very sad”, or “I don’t like it when you drive fast, it makes me frightened that I will lose you”.

Avoid accusing and shouting at your partner, instead tell them sincerely what you feel.

If you delegate something for her or him to do, make sure that they understood what you agreed on by letting it be the last thing you say.

For example, “Okay, so you pick up the kids on Friday and I get the dinner ready”.

There is no need to repeat what you agreed on after that; your partner is either fully capable of remembering things themselves or they need to practice remembering it.

Nagging them actually doesn’t do you or your partner any good.

9. See the good among the bad

Sadly it’s easy to see only the worst in our partner or a situation, but if we instead turned our views around and looked at the positive sides, we’d both be so much better off.

Don’t list all her/his bad sides without listing in triplet the amount of good sides.

He may never help you with the dishes, but he helps you instead by always mending the car, doing work on the house and he’s a great shoulder to cry on.

Or, she might not want sex every night but she shows her love for you by cooking, cleaning and raising your kids.

Try to look at the whole picture and don’t focus on only – or mostly – the negative and you’ll see just how wonderful your other half actually is.

10. Tell them how much they mean to you

Most of us live busy lives and therefore time might be the most valuable thing we can give to the people around us.

Spend time with your other half and tell them how much they mean to you – in person or through other means.

It can be through a note that you put in their lunch bag or in their shoes.

It can be through an e-mail where you say how much it means to you when she/he does something – pick what means the most to you!

Don’t write a long note or letter; often a short sentence that comes straight from the heart means a lot more than any “essay” ever will.

If you prefer saying what your partner means to you in person, then don’t worry about picking a time when to say it: just spit it out!

Look them in the eye and with all your heart tell them how appreciated they truly are.